it isn’t about guns)

I will not pretend to be able to get my mind around the slaughter of innocents. I cannot do it. It is impossible for a “normal” thinking person with any sort of inner morrality to do so. I am also neurologically intact. I do not suffer from mental illness. I have never taken psychotropic drugs and my recreational stage ended well over thirty years ago. I do know a couple of things,though. I know that we as a society do not respect the sanctity of life. I know we do not value our children (or our elderly for that matter). I know we offer absolutley no real help for the mentally ill-especially mentally ill adolecents. We do,however,offer quite a bit of blame for the parents franticly trying to help their children while trying to keep themselves safe. Look at my family’s story. Remember my Youngest. Know that he is more than capable of murder. Know that we were not able to access proper help for him. Know that the system that helped to create him was the same system that kept us from finding what help there was. Know that my son is in a family,a school, a town that (as far as we know) has no intention of even recognizing who and what he really is. Know he is hurting someone. Now, Today. Know he will continue to hurt others for his entire life. He cannot help himself. If you asked him,he would tell you the truth. Medication never helped my son. Psychiatric hospitalization only gave us recpite-it never even tried to help my son. The juvenile justice system tried to help my son,but had no treatment programs equipt to handle his level of need. (so they sent him home and threatened to call CPS) No private therapist would see our son because their liability would be too high. Our insurance only covered thirty days of residential treatment-for the year. Our state medicaid, we were told,did not cover residential care. Our adoption assistance only covered thirty days of residential care for the life of my son. Add it up,sixty days from the admisson to the psych ward to being kicked out of residential treatment-back to our home where he told everyone he wanted to kill me.CPS (bless their hearts) threatened to remove our other children if we did not give them concservitor ship (actually it was to be joint concervitorship we were told-yet another lie) to keep our son in treatment. Of course CPS went against our wishes and the entire mental health team and placed our son into a ” theraputic foster home” ignoring the fact we were also a licensed theraputic home. This is, of course the home where he was allowed (encouraged?) to repeatedly sodomize two other boys,one over the course of weeks with a wooden cross he made in shop class. A cross he would not have been allowed to carry in our home because of his history of using everything and anything as a potential weapon. CPS then placed our son in a different part of our very large state and we had no choice but to give up all parental rights. He could not come home. He wasn’t safe. He isn’t safe. Where was our son’s ad Litem, you ask? It was she who pushed to keep him out of the treatment he so desperately needs, to keep charges from being pressed against him and to make sure we could no longer have any contact with him whatsoever. Another abandonment. Another mom who left him. Not our wishes. Never our wishes. What on earth does all this rambling have to do with the murder of small children? What does it have to do with guns? It is a case history of a murderous child. It is just one example of a family (ours in this case) who spent years trying to obtain help for their son. There are thousands more like us in my state alone. It is an example of just how little help there is. In many ways our family was luckier than most. None of us were ever seriously hurt. The state did not remove our other children for having their audacity of adopting Youngest. We were not ordered to pay child support back to the state when we “voluntarily gave up our parental rights. Guns? This has nothing at all to do with guns,or video games,or goth (or nerd depending on which news source you read),or divorce or money or lack there of. It has everything to do with mental illness and our society’s descent into a moral wasteland. We need to listen to the families of the mentally ill. We need to recognize that at this time,there are those who need residential care-not prison or the streets. It is time to stop blaming the parents or the weapons of choice and see things for what they are. This is all about mental illness. We need to do this now. Yesterday. Because,you know what? It is going to get worse-much worse. It is going to get worse because we as a society refuse to acknowledge we are part of the probelm. We blame and scapegoat. We make fun of. We have a misguided sense of economy (it is always less expensive to prevent a major problem-i.e. Provide treatment,than to repair shattered lives. Back to my own son….. Do I love him still? More than words can tell. Am I afraid for him? Yes. Am I afraid of him? I am terrified. That is what being a mom to a severly mentally ill child is all about.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to it isn’t about guns)

  1. Jeanne says:

    Terrifying, infuriating, heartbreaking.

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