one doing much better,one still on the fence and one well on the way to a becoming a trainwreck

First the good stuff.
My sixteen year old is motivated (at least he is verbalising motivation) to  promote in CAP. I am hoping he will follow through. He needs the affirmation.

He and I visited a Lutheran Church this Sunday. It is a small congregations which suits both of us just fine. I liked it. What is more important is my son felt comfortable there. The pastor preached (I know,Lutherans don’t “preach”) on the importance of showing Christ’s love. My son had tears in his eyes then and again when we took communion. He even wanted to discuss the service and why he liked it.
He is sharing what he is thinking!
He is motivated to go forward!
For this week at least we have seen so much progress I am afraid to jinx it.
The test will be how he comes back from his brother and sister’s place. He spent the night last night.

I dropped him off,scoped out the apartment and got to meet my  older son’s buddy (who I think lives there) and saw my daughter. My son was happy to see me and to show off his place He tells me he is barely making it finacially but his sister is doing very well (ya think?).
If it were just him,I would have had no trepidation when I left the sixteen year old.

My daughter is a different story.

I doubt she will be home for Christmas. She was heming and hawing when I aske if they were still coming. I did tell my son I would fetch him for Christmas dinner and again on Christmas Day if his sister did not  come.

This irritated her.

She is begining to show signs of either heavy drinking or some other substance abuse. Not meth at least. She is too heavy I think for it to be meth. (leave me my delusions if this is not accurate-I do not want to know ) She forgets. She forgets in less than twenty four hours. Her speech patterns are back like they were when she was twelve.
She showed my her art. She is  quite talanted and with some instruction could be very good. At least she was.
Her art has reverted back to what she was doing at eleven or so. Nine months ago she would have been embarased with what she showed me.
I don’t fully understand  the extent of her cognative slide. I have never heard of speech and art reverting to childhood due to substance abuse before.

She refused to show me her bedroom and became upset when her brother tried to open her door to show me. (I did not ask,her brother was showing off the apartment and showed me his room and  tried very hard to show me his sister’s.((there was something he wanted me to see))) She ran down the hall and blocked the door. Her exuse was she had dirty clothes on the floor. (???)
I didn’t make a big deal about it. I just teased her about her housekeeping.
She never made eye contact; even when I gave her her birthday gift.
She did show me her skimpy costume she was wearing to the company Christmas party.
Her  boundries leave a bit to be desired.

She could be so much more than this.
Does it even matter if this is FAS,adoption issues, or teenage rebelion (in a twenty-one year old)?  At this point it simply is.

I am praying her brothers do not follow her down this path. My twenty year old is still on the fence. He does not use his friends,however. He  loves us. He wants us to be proud of him. Those are the differences.

My sixteen year old is making choices. He is, for the first time in his life with us,reaching out and letting us see who is inside.  This is very new.
I’ll take it


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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