emptier nest ?????

As you may well recall,communication tends to be a problem for my kids at home. This is historic.Therefore,it was not much of a surprise to find out through one of my husband’s employees no less, that my nineteen and twenty year old are apartment shopping.

Neither drives.The community they are purported to be looking at is a twenty minute drive from their workplace.There is no public transportation. My daughter has a car all picked out to purchase-she just hasn’t paid the individual selling it yet and doesn’t seem in all that much of a hurry to do so. She is also lacking her driver’s license (as is her brother)

When I asked my son about the rumors of their impending independence,he told me they were in fact looking at apartments on line. When I asked my daughter, she disavowed any knowledge of apartment shopping and shot her brother a dirty look for telling me they were.

Sigh.

There is no reason to sneak,but then she has always been furtive over things that confused us. After all,at nineteen and twenty,they are both chronological adults and are within their rights to move forward.

My concerns are more in the area of financial fantasy. Even though I have been attempting to teach both of them basic finances for year now,none of it has ever stuck. My son told me renting a two bedroom apartment would cost him the same as his “rent” to live at home. I asked about utilities and deposits for not only the apartment,but for utilities as well. He looked bewildered. He did not know (even though I have had them work up mythical budgets while in highschool) that such things needed payed for.
The real world is going to be a bit of a shocker.

My husband and I ran the numbers privately and think that if they do not have any unforeseen crisis and their hours do not get cut they should be able to afford a small two bedroom apartment closer to their work. They will need to be able to drive though. They will need a car.

And,no,we do not think it is all that healthy for this particular brother and sister to be roomies. There have always been some dodgy boundary issues between them. It would be much,much healthier for them to separate and start theirs lives on individual terms. That might be why they have been a bit on the furtive side over this. At some level they may realize sharing an apartment together may not be in their best interest at this point in their lives.

Probably not. Furtive for no discernible reason tends to be baseline.

In any case,all we can do is try and guide them through the process. Assuming there is a process at all. This could be talk for talk’s sake. They are asked all the time by their co-workers when they are going to become independent. Blaming us for holding them back isn’t flying for them any more.

Time will tell.

In the meanwhile,I think I will have my daughter hold off on painting her room.
She has her colors picked out.

Is it any wonder her dad and I are a bit confused?

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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