This whole going without the internet thing is difficult. I feel cut off from society at large.It isn’t as if the library is just down the street. Oh,well. There is nothing to be done about it. I paid off the enormous bill for thirty-seven days of non-service. With the fee for breaking contract, (no they would not waive it) it was over $500.That is a lot of money down the drain. It is time to face the facts of living in the only area in the USA that does not have broadband.
It is OK.
The shakes are gone and I only twitch once and a while.
I’ll be alright.
My newest granddaughter is,of course,perfect. She is growing well and occasionally allowing her parents some sleep. I love newborns. I am also very glad I no longer have to be the one losing all that sleep to a tiny tyrant.
Of course Youngest comes home in two weeks for good; I may be back to losing my own sleep then.
His visit went well. I think we saw most all of those who live in his head over Thanksgiving. I briefly saw the evil smile. It was a glimpse,but enough for me to know this will not be an easy row to hoe. On the whole,he was easy to have around. He does seem to want to come home-at least ninety-five percent of him seems to. It is my other fifteen year old who is giving me fits right now.
It seems that my fifteen year old,with he help of his older brother and the knowledge of his older sister,has cheating down to an art form. I have suspected as much for a while now. Yesterday I caught him dead to rights. Guess what he did when I had him retake the math test he was caught cheating on (and every other math test he has taken this year-I am that mean).
You guessed it. He cheated again. He can lie to me with tears in his eyes and snot running down into his mouth and it does not mean there is remorse. It just means he has been caught. My son put quite a bit of planning and effort in his quest to not do any school work honestly. I should be somewhat impressed by the thought he put into not thinking. He had quite an elaborate system set up.I am livid with both he and his siblings who helped him. They are no longer ten,nine and five. It is no longer them covering up for their little brother sneaking food or peeing on things. They are now twenty,nineteen and fifteen. They are,in their quest to solidify their control over their brother,encouraging him to fail. They are in essence telling him he can only succeed through cheating. I told them so this morning. I now have all three of them mad at me for their dishonesty. Just because they do not wish me bodily harm,does not make this a healthy outlook.
Brain damage is not overcome. It is worked around,but not cured.Adoption issues are for life.Love can not undo early pain. That fact is hitting my upside my graying head this morning. It hurts.
And youngest is coming home.
I am sure this is in part retaliation for us bring their brother home-even though they all have said they want him to have this chance. It is the exact same dynamic my oldest daughter has in her home. Her three year old is thrilled with his new sister and giving his parents fits at the same time.Emotionally I am uncertain if my teenager and young “adults” are any older than their three year old nephew. I have all of the dynamics of young children in the home with none of the cuteness.
It does not help that this transition is occurring at Christmas.
At least they are quiet about it. It isn’t that they are not attached to us. They are. It is just that the attachment is fluid. Sometimes it is secure. Sometimes they revert back to when they were all they had in the world. I do understand this. I know my getting mad does not help the situation. On the other hand,they need me to get mad when they screw up. They need to know someone actually does care what they do. Someone has standards for them to attain. Someone believes they can succeed. Someone loves them no matter what.
I need to re-figure my fifteen year old’s school. What I thought was working,even if imperfectly,is obviously not. I wish he had even one interest that was not a video game I could build on. He doesn’t,though. He just kind of is.
His list for Christmas was mostly video games and movies. He is now grounded from all screen time (and glued to my hip-sigh) for two months for repeatedly lying and cheating. It seems a bit cruel to buy him video (which we were not all that thrilled about doing in the first place)when he cannot access it until February. It seems like that is asking him to sneak behind our backs even more. We have spent much time and money trying different things to catch his interest. Nothing so far.Just video.
I need divine inspiration. (I mean that quite literally, by the way)
There is no way I am equipped to figure all this out on my own.
I have no idea when I when I will be able to get back here. As always, pray for us please. Youngest still scares me.I can’t help it. He does. I need to not let that show.I need more that a smidgen of wisdom when dealing with him.
He wants to come home. He has never wanted to be here before. It is what we hang on to.
I hope we are doing the right thing.