tournament aborted

Today was karate tournament day. The older two brown belts needed to be there early to set up and to stay late to help with younger kids. My younger son decided to help set up as well.
To backtrack a bit,my fifteen year old son has wanted to quite karate since spring. I told him once he completed his next belt I was fine with him quitting as long as he had something he wanted to do in its place. He needed this tournament to belt but was not at all excited to be there. My older son has also said he was done after summer session. He too was there reluctantly. Only my daughter wanted to be there. He boyfriend is a black belt and he is the entire reason she wants to stay in karate. (and the reason my daughter is upset the taxi ride via mom ends when her brother is through)(The thought of getting her license and saving her money for her own car does not enter her thinking)
Back to this morning…..
The kids were inside the school where the event was being held. I was sitting in the car playing on my phone waiting until it was closer to the beginning of the actual competition. Sitting in an empty gym with no wifi did not appeal to me. While I was waiting, a grown man who was also a brown belt (and therefore would also be working with the younger children) approached a woman walking across the lot.I didn’t thin much until I heard him screaming at her and noticed how visibly threatening he was towards her. When he hit her I jumped out of my car and offered to call 911. It was that bad. That backed the man off and his girlfriend/wife told me shakily she was alright. Three instructors from the kids dojo were entering the facility about the same time and I told them what I had witnessed and told them he should not be working with children. The main honcho of this region blew off the abuse-and it was abuse. He refused to even talk to the man.
So I pulled my kids. I did not make a scene.Only a few people even knew what had happened.
I told my son he no longer had to belt to quit. We were done supporting an organization designed primarily for children and teens who allow their upper belts to publicly behave in that matter and allow continued close contact with children and adolescents. Besides,I thought there was a behavior code. I know my kids had to memorize it.
It didn’t seem to upset the kids at all until later this afternoon when they realized that ninety-nine percent of their karate friends (translate the boyfriend and family) thought I was an idiot.
So they decided to quite talking to me(and for some reason, their dad who wasn’t involved) They went so far as to turn their bodies away from me if they walked by me so they wouldn’t have to look at me.
At supper I told them they could be mad at me all they wanted,but it would be nice if they actually told me they were mad instead of acting the way they were acting.I also told them I would do what I had done again and I really did not care if others thought I should have turned a blind eye. Right was right. If standing up to someone hurting someone else embarrassed them,they needed to look at their own hearts. It is never alright for a man to hit a woman like that. If he hit her in public, what did he do to her in private? I also pointed out to my two son’s that they never even wanted to go in the first place. It was only my daughter who wanted to be there;and that was only to see her boyfriend. I had offered to come back and get them if the older two wanted to go back inside and continue. Since the only thing they asked me to do was to stop at Target so they could blow money on video games and movies,I did not see what their deal was.
I know exactly what their deal was.
It was the opinion of others that led my children to ostracize me(and their dad????),not their own feelings. When they were reminded they could have stayed and the boys never even wanted to go in the first place,they got over their mad.
I find their reaction to others opinion of me a bit disturbing. This was on the extreme side,even for them. Their moral compass is almost entirely external. My daughter is currently becoming her boyfriends family’s third daughter and I find their moral base a bit suspect. The fact she becomes like them is concerning. Her brothers still follow her lead in just about everything. If she is upset with me her brothers will also be upset. Sometimes the eighteen year old doesn’t follow suit,but the fifteen year nearly always does.
Some days It doesn’t bother me.
Today it did.
I most certainly will not stay silent if someone is being hit like that in public. Someone has to let the victim know it is not alright to be hit.
I was the victim once.
I know.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to tournament aborted

  1. Jeanne says:

    You are so right.

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