Sorry once again for the lack of posting. I am blaming my lack of consistent internet.
My older teens are now High School graduates. My son gave me good product,even if he did finish at the eleventh hour. My daughter gave me crap-also at the eleventh hour. My son seems to have a long tern goal. He still wants to join the Air Force as a medic. He is two months away from earning his Mitchel Award which will allow him to enter the Armed Services as an E3. It also would give him college scholarships,but he has no interest in college at this point in his life.
My daughter has no goals or aspirations other than to talk to her boyfriend and buy movies,jewelry and clothing. I was not happy when she gave me her undone work (with a side order of snotty). She was reminded that she will be paying rent in September unless she is actively saving for her own place,or in school. Buying clothing she has no where to wear and movies does not constitute saving to move out. She has made no effort to even look into the local community college so she can no longer tell me that is her goal.
The news of paying rent was,of course, a complete surprise. We will forget the fact that all of my children have been told we will not support them to stay home and do nothing when they leave high school.We will forget the fact I told her a year ago, six months ago, less than a month ago the exact same thing. I will guarantee she will be shocked when I ask her for her little bit of rent on September first.
I do not know what else to do. She cannot support herself waiting tables two days per week. She has no real interest in community college. She has no realistic goals at this point. To be honest, I am not sure she can support herself even if she has the income. The whole attention to details thing along with absolutely no money sense is not a good combination. Add in her limited executive processing and ,well, you get the idea.
I do not want to throw her to the wolves. I also do not want to enable her in her quest to stay a perpetual adolescent.
My rational is this: If she pays rent,she is in a small way being an adult. Who knows it is the right thing to do? I sure don’t.
This is when being on the high functioning end of the ARND spectrum gets tricky. There are no helps or services for my kids.
None. Nada. Zilch.
I am not paying favorites with her brother. He too will have to pay rent if he shows no signs of preparing to move on. He is a year (well ten months) younger than her and I will give him a bit more time. He is showing signs of maturity. He is not resentful when he is called on his behavior. He seems to be “getting it”. That is why I am not as concerned with him right now. (always subject to change,I am a mom after all)
On the positive side…..
They both graduated high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My daughter made her goal and earned her Mitchel. The ceremony is very important to her and there will be a very nice ceremony on Saturday. Most of her grown siblings will be there to honor her as well.
Next Tuesday we will celebrate their graduation with 99% of the extended family at our favorite restaurant.
Neither of them is alcoholic,or on drugs. We have had no pregnancies. There has been no police involvement. They are well liked at their jobs and can be counted on at work.
In fact,so far we have had none of the secondary issues that so often accompany FAS/ARND.
Both of them have given our family much joy. I cannot imagine my life with out them in it.
Their dad and I are very proud of them.
Never think we aren’t.
My oldest son and his family were involved in a car accident last week. Their only car was totaled. They are lucky no one was seriously hurt. The children were in the backseat at the time.
The van who hit him was a company vehicle.Company Logo. The driver was wearing a company uniform. Unfortunately, it was a bogus company and the driver was an illegal with an invalid driver’s license and counterfeit insurance. My son,in an effort to save pennies, did not have uninsured motorist on his policy. They are not going to get any compensation whatsoever. They are borrowing our van until they can figure out what to do. We kept their kids for a few days so he and his wife could get over the worst of the whiplash and other minor(sarcasm folks) aches and pains from being rear ended. The kids were fun. My house needs cleaned and I could use a nap,but I always enjoy having the grand-babies over.
Youngest is now on mega-meds.He has been on these meds before. They didn’t work then. Once he is used to them,I doubt they will work now. We still do not have any contact with the current therapist. The foster dad wants us to visit,but we simply cannot find the time right now. My husband just worked nine twelve hour days straight and this week his days off are being all called for. This is the problem with youngest being placed two and a half to three hours away. It is an all day trip and we simply have no day without obligations available.
Monday is court again.
It is supposed to be the actual TPR hearing.
I am afraid CPS, after having pushed him over the edge, will return him home to us. He will return to us in worse shape than he was a year ago.
My husband is afraid they will not allow him to return home and start the foster care shuffle until he blows big enough to be arrested.
In other words,we have no idea of what will happen on Monday.
I do not see anything good in the works at all.
So, This Saturday is my youngest daughters big day. Monday is court. Tuesday is the family celebration for the graduates (and my husband and I’s fourteenth anniversary.And they said it wouldn’t last)
One more big accomplishment for the older teens…..
They have completed driver’s training!
Now they just need to practice,practice,practice.