the devil is in the details

As I have mentioned quite often lately, my youngest daughter has a lot of difficulty with the details of life. She does not seem to register their importance. In a little more than two weeks she is to be awarded her Mitchel for CAP. Unfortunately she has not followed through to make sure all of her paperwork has been sent in correctly. She is upset because she was told tonight that it is the responsibility of the cadet to follow through on all major promotions. She swears she was unaware of this. It may very well be to late for her to receive the award this go around. If so,she will have to be at the ceremony anyway.Instead of being honored,she will have to honor others. I am praying that the paperwork will go through in time. She has worked very hard to get to this point. It would be a shame if she has to wait.
I do not have any sympathy for her,however.
That is not quite right.
I do feel an overall sadness that her deficits are costing her so much. This month alone she has had episode upon episode of problems because she simply cannot seem to double check her facts,or even simply ask for help when she does not understand what to do.
Once again I tried to explain to her she needed to always,always double check her facts. I also tried to explain to her that adults take responsibility to see things are done-even when they technically are supposed to be done by others. I gave her the example of IRS requesting the same forms and documents over and over. I used the example of her dad always calling to follow up to make sure the forms had been received. I also mentioned that even though we did not lose the paperwork,we still sent it in again (and again,and again) when the IRS requested it. After all,these are our taxes and it is our credit.
What she heard me say was to “grow up”. That is not what I said, but that is what she heard. I tried again from a different angle. I tried yet a third time from another direction all together. She simply is not understanding the concept.
We have always held that we would not ask for special accommodation for the kids. In adult life there are few accommodations for those with normal IQ’s. Our job is to do our best to prepare them for that world. We have also held that we would guide,but not actually rescue the kids from their mistakes.
Our rationals are sound in theory.
In theory, not in practice. In practice the desire to rescue is almost overwhelming.
When my daughter was younger she hated to be confused with the facts. She was always adamant she was right; even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It was sometimes humorous when she was ten.
It is not humorous now she is closing in on twenty. It is worrisome.
For her part,she feels I am unfair not to take her side.
Perhaps I am being unfair.
I am expecting her to have enough insight to know when she needs help.
I am expecting my daughter to learn something she has thus far been unable to learn.
Perhaps I am the one with the deficit?

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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