visiting youngest

We drove three hundred miles give or take yesterday to visit Youngest in his foster home. We needed a special dispensation from the Pope,but we were allowed to visit. in fact we can even bring him home for the weekend should we choose. It seemed pretty cruel to bring him home when wee are unsure if he will be allowed to live in our home again. We are told the plan is for him to return home. Eventually. Once he has proven himself. This is because,and I quote :Y’all do his coping for him. We need to see how he does without on his own. End quote.
As my daughter told me,we obviously didn’t cope for him very well. Look what happened.How exactly does one cope for someone else????
Anyway, we had a nice visit. I like the foster parents. They also do not understand why he simply didn’t return home. It makes no sense to put him through this. It makes no sense for an emotionally unstable fourteen year old to have all of the onus on him. If he screws up,he can’t return home. Unfortunately, no one has defined for him what screwing up entails. Is it attacking someone with intent? Getting into a fight? Throwing a hissy fit?
My son seemed genuinely happy to see us. We (his noncustodial parents) bought him clothes. None of his shorts and only two of his tee shirts still fit him. He needed undies and socks as well. We ate truly awful Chinese for lunch. We took him to a movie. We took him back to the foster home. He hugged me like he wouldn’t let me go. He hugged his dad the same way.
While we were out we asked him if he was wanting to come back and live in the house as sort of a roommate/border-which was OK-or if he thought he would want to share a room with his brothers and try the whole family thing again. He chose family. He said it doesn’t scare him as much as it used to. He said he is still angry,but not as angry as he was.
It was a good visit.
Does he mean what he says? Yesterday he meant it. Whether or not he will mean it when things get hard is another story. The only way to find out is to give him a chance.
He needs to be home.
The ad litem called me on our drive home. She wanted to know how the visit went. She was shocked we were allowed to visit. She was even more shocked when I told her we had permission to bring him home overnight. I told her that one week into his new placement would be a cruel time to take advantage of that “privilege”. Any misconception I had as too who she is really advocating for has been corrected. I’ll give you a hint, It isn’t my son.
I feel they (CPS) has stolen my son for no reason whatsoever. Because we coped for him? Because we had the audacity to ask for help paying for his treatment? Because we have never refused to bring him home?
We are not following the script. We are acting like his parents.
Court is Monday.
We will be again asking for him to be returned home.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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4 Responses to visiting youngest

  1. DA says:

    You all are fighting which demonstrates you level of care to both the courts and your son. Keep fighting!

  2. R. says:

    Does he have an attorney ad litem as well? I don’t remember where you live, but in some parts of Texas a child in a CPS case gets both an attorney ad litem and a guardian ad litem if they’re old enough to express their wishes about the direction of their case. In that situation, the attorney ad litem would have the job of representing the child’s legal interests (what the child actually wants), while the guardian ad litem would represent the child’s best interests. Not that AALs always do such a great job or put in a huge effort (some of them don’t do much at all) or that the court always respects what they say, but if he does have one, that might be his best shot in terms of having someone to advocate for what he actually wants (since the GAL doesn’t seem to be on board). One thing an AAL could do is also to arrange for him to speak to the judge in chambers at the hearing (and also prep him for this experience). Wishing you the best.

  3. lenell says:

    My son has an ad litem. Some times she even advocates for him. More often than not she simply goes along with CPS.
    BTW,She is one of the better ones.

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