We do not know if Youngest will be coming home or placed in a foster home. When the state took over paying for his residential treatment we gave up our rights as parents to the state. This was to be temporary. The state decides when and if we get our rights back. It seemed the best of bad decisions at the time. Of course some (most) of the deciding factors ended up being untrue,or at least misrepresented. I do not know if we would have made the same decision if we could do it all over. In the end,what is done is done. Youngest needed to stay in RTC. He still needs to be there for that matter. What he needs has little to do with what happens next. This is complicated by the severity of his past problems and uncertainty if the changes we see can be maintained “in the free”.
What is certain is he should have some idea of where he will be living next week. (oh,yeah,they changed his discharge date to next Wednesday the sixteenth) It would be helpful to us to know if he is coming home. It will mean quite a bit of rearranging and a couple of major purchases to get our home ready. It is vital for my son to know. I am afraid they will just move him and let us know after the fact. I am equally afraid they will send him home with no notice. He needs some way of preparing himself without simply shutting down and letting old coping methods to take back over. It is his old ways of coping that have brought us to the point we are at now.
With both of our adoptions we had know idea of when placement was going to occur. We were lucky to have a weeks notice. They would have sent youngest home the day we met him if we would have allowed it. The dynamics are completely different when anticipating a new child and what we are anticipating now.
I am coping with the uncertainty by keeping my grandchildren for a few days. I have had my oldest son’s children for the past two nights and I will keep the other three from Saturday until Tuesday. I realize this doesn’t give me much time to tie up loose ends if youngest does come home. On the other hand, it doesn’t give me any time to fret either. The little ones keep me too busy to worry.
At this moment my teens are making stuffed rabbits with their niece and nephew. I am staying out of their way and letting them have fun with each other. When the little ones are here the older ones can safely revert back and play without feeling somewhat self conscience. They can truly be who they are and be adored for it.
This doesn’t mean there won’t be fallout from the visits. There is always fallout.
There is going to be fallout next week anyway.
A little more isn’t going to hurt.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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