Monday was court.
On Monday we were informed that there is not one RTC that contracts with CPS in our entire state that will accept a moderate level teen. This gives us basically two options in regards to Youngest Son. The first is to bring him home. The second is for him to be placed in a group home or foster home and we relinquish parental rights permanently. He needs to exit his current facility on June twenty-eighth.
He has gone three months without attacking anyone.
We asked for respite,in home therapy,cameras and a possible increase in stipend if we bring him home. None of those are possible. If he comes home we are on our own.
If he does not come home he will be either in someone else’s home or a half way house with very limited, if any supervision.
He will carry our name. We can send him a Christmas card. We will not be allowed to have any input into his care .He will be returned to the state.
On the positive side,we were told the threat of criminal endangerment if we bring him home and he blows was an empty threat.
Also,for the first time the court records state that we are not a safety risk to our son,but he is to everyone else. They actually put in writing that we have a safe and caring environment.
On the minus side,there is no more therapeutic help available to our son beside what ever therapist we,or the state -depending on who is his parent(s) is- can find.
He will have to sink or swim on his own. The universal fear is of course, who he will physically hurt if he sinks .He will not go down alone.
No one thinks he is ready to be placed “in the free”, but “in the free” is where he will be in a bit over a month.
I will tell you all the contradictory things we have been told in the last forty-eight hours when I can see some humor in all this. I see nothing humorous now.
So,do we bring him home one more time on the hope he can manage himself (selves) without wanting to kill anyone?
Or do we relinquish and place him back into the system that helped create who he is today?
To “give him up” if it was for him to receive adequate therapeutic care is one thing. To “give him up” knowing he will be bounced along from placement to placement until he is ages out at eighteen is entirely different.
I am vacillating between wanting to vomit, panic attacks and abject grief.
There is no good solution.