silence

It is silence that I hear when I ask my daughter what is going on in her head.
Why is she after working so hard, refusing to finish what needs to be done for her Mitchel?
Why is she resenting learning how to drive? Why is she refusing to put effort into finishing her high school coursework? Why if she thinks something is unfair, does she not simply say something to me instead of seething inside and then telling strangers?
I spent some time trying to talk to my young adult daughter about what her dad and I were seeing and what we thought that it meant. I explained it was difficult to know,since she would not tell us-we were forced to guess based on behavior. I ran the gamut from reassuring her it was alright to grow up to talking about her birth parents (always referred as her mom and her dad in our house;she knows who is who). I told her it seemed to us she was feeling she had to choose. I told her her mom loved her but had gotten caught up in addictions. I told her I doubted that she wanted the same for her infant daughter (now my daughter). I reminded her her mom had no one to help her,no one who wanted her to succeed. She had done her best,but she could not overcome her addictions. I reminded her that she had what her mom did not have-a large family and other adults who wanted her to succeed and would help her do so. I talked about life styles. I talked about how to tell who really cared about you-and who just wanted you to fall to their level or uses you. I talked to her about family. I reminded her she has been home for nine years now.
I am of course paraphrasing. I went by facial expressions and body language. I told her that was all I had to go on. I gave her a list of adults she could go to for advise if she did not want to talk to family. Adults who truely care for her. I told her it was time to move forward,she was no longer a child.
Silence was the majority of my feed back. I asked her if she would talk to me and she told me “no”.
Then more silence.
We are back to where we started nine years ago. The three of them will only talk to each other when they are completely out of our hearing. Otherwise it is almost silent. They will not initiate conversation with us.
When alone ,they talk up a storm. It as if they haven’t seen each other in weeks,instead of spending every waking moment together. It is becoming pathological and I do not have a clue what to do about it.
I appretiate there are no rages. On the other hand, the silence is just as rage filled. In some ways it is more difficult to deal with. I think I would rather be called a bitch than just get a blank,or worse, venom filled stare. At least I know where I stand with verbal anger.
I do not know what to do with the silence.
It hurts.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to silence

  1. Jeanne says:

    Not fun. 😦

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