on being a mom

I am returning home this evening. We are trying to work out logistics for me to help with my grandson this weekend when his daddy is back at work and not leave the kids at home alone again. My husband said the dynamics at home are a bit wonky right now. I hate feeling torn like this.I had expected backlash with the nearly fifteen year old. It is the going on twenty year old who is causing the issues.
Sigh.
She is so very close to success with her Mitchel Award- who’s required essay she will not write-and with graduating high school.
She is serving tables and doing fairly well,not “magnificently” as she tells her dad when he asks,but is about where a new server should be performing.
She wants all of her money to go towards fun and clothes.
She is resentful a good portion will be going towards learning to drive.
She is resentful we are beginning to expect her to pay for gasoline when she is driven to work on her dad’s days off.
She is slightly resentful of the household budget cuts we have made and the ones we have warned the kids are coming if prices continue to rise.
She wants the perks of adulthood with the responsibilities of a child.
How long do we allow this to continue?
At what point is enough, enough?
Do we continue as we have been doing and slowly drag her kicking and screaming into adulthood?
Do we allow her to act like a spoiled child and live at home forever?
Every other teen has been told that if they do not like our rules, they know where the door is.
This group interprets that as abandonment.
I cannot talk with her;not really. She has no insight. She has no understanding how her actions impact others. She still only sees life through how it impacts her. Her wants and needs are the only ones that seem to matter. She is caught between childhood and very early adolescence in an adult body. When I try to talk with her about life etc,I am the only one who talks. There is no response from her. It becomes a soliloquy-or a lecture. We have tried counseling to no avail. It is impossible to walk her through what has occurred or what needs to occur. She hears a part and fills in the rest with the imaginations of her own mind.
She is FAE or ARND as it is now called. I cannot give her a fully functioning frontal lobe. Still,she needs to be responsible for her own actions. She is making choices.
She is teetering on the edge.
Will she allow herself to succeed and move forward in her life (take our side) or will she follow in her birth family’s generations of drug abuse and CPS involvement (be like her “real” mother).
I feel we are teetering on the edge with her.
It is her choice. Her decision.
I wish I had the confidence she has the ability to pick herself up and dust herself off if she chooses badly.
I love her.
I am proud of her even with her current choices
She is a fighter. She is very talented.
She is also very confused.
I will love her even if she chooses the dark path.
I am her mom.
That’s what mom’s do.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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2 Responses to on being a mom

  1. Jeanne says:

    ((((hug))))

  2. lenell says:

    thanks

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