the day after

I can’t remember ever being this glad Christmas is over before. How is that for a terrible attitude? It is easier to give grace when young teens act self-centered than when young adults do. I realize that young adult is chronological only;but still….
The robotic arm was a hit with my fourteen year old. It is just complicated enough to keep him busy,but not difficult enough to frustrate him unduly.
Each teen received one nice gift and books,candy and things of that ilk in their stockings.By the way,it is nigh on impossible to sneak stockings into bedrooms when every door and floor board squeaks or groans. Still, traditions must be upheld.
I really should not feel resentment for teens/adults who are not able to join cause and effect together very well. I am wanting to see signs of a maturity that may never happen. Still,when one is living for free,being fed home cooked from scratch foods,chauffeured about,with minimal household responsibilities,one should not complain about how put upon one is. Nor should one complain about the conditions of ones home to the parent who is footing the bill and doing all of the cooking and chauffeuring.
We were allowed to visit with youngest on Christmas Eve. He,after being told his parents were there to see him(and spending ten minutes changing from his dirty clothes into other dirty clothes),came out and told us “I didn’t know you were here!” I responded with: “Well we’re your parents,who’s parents were you expecting?”
He isn’t bathing either. His long, thick, curly hair is greasy to the ends.He has very little space between his teeth. Because he smells a bit ripe,he gave me quite a prolonged hug. When he is clean and shiny I rarely get long squeezy hugs. He loves to sit close when he smells bad.
We filled him in on the family happenings. He was uninterested. After he opened his gifts he was ready for us to leave. We stretched the visit out for forty five minutes. If he wore a watch he would have been checking it at five minute or less intervals. He liked his jacket. He was under impressed with his book or his candy. He also liked the how-to paper airplane book. I suppose five hundred is a pretty good batting average,all things considered.
He is so incredibly messed up and lost.
It absolutely breaks our hearts.

I am looking forward to the New year. I think I need the psychological break from this past year. It is time to start something new. It is time to learn about something other than RAD,PTSD,FAS DID and all the other things that get wrapped up in adoption issues. I am pretty sure I have hit expert status on older child adoption,teaching children with learning disabilities and like issues. There is a whole world of permiculture, sustainability and old house rehabilitation that I want to tackle next. I will throw in a little RN refresher course so I can relicense to keep me busy. If my children here at the house want to come along for the ride they are more than welcome to learn right along with me. I will put them to work. If this is not something they wish to pursue, I will help them to branch out into independence. I will not,however, listen to them (my daughter,actually) whine and complain about our lifestyle changes any longer. At least I will do my best not to listen to her,nor to feel guilty for her discomfort in leaving “city” life. honestly,you would think we are felling trees and hauling water.
I will leave you with the visual image of my fourteen year old son who is sitting in front of the wood stove in his pj’s fine tuning the action on his robotic arm. He is concentrating,fiddling, and then smiling hugely as he gets it to pick up various objects and manipulate them the way he wishes.
He hasn’t glance longingly at the PS3 once today.
That is a success.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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