some days i just want to get off

Family therapy was a joke today. Not a funny,ha-ha joke either. After being told youngest attacked another resident without provocation, after telling the therapist (again) what our safety measures are,after the therapist telling us our son wasn’t ready to come home, after being told not to say anything that might increase our son’s agitation,after talking to said son about his need to take school seriously this year,the therapist (in front of our son) tried to set up an overnight visit for next Thursday.
We declined pleading a busy schedule next week.
This of course makes us out as rejecting our son (in front of our son).
I don’t know what this man’s agenda is,but I think I am going to try and find out. At least I am going to make it very clear he must talk to us before mentioning overnight home visits in front of our son. I am also a bit tired of being told to keep everything generic in session. I thought the whole point was to get youngest ready to live in a family setting(ours). That might mean stepping on his toes a bit. It doesn’t take much to step on my son’s toes. Letting him know he will have chores to do is enough. Personally I would rather have him go off in a setting with a bunch of staff then when I ask him to sweep the kitchen floor. Especially when we watched him switch from one aspect of himself to another so fast it looked like a horror movie.When he does this it looks like he has a wax face and it morphs into other faces. He ducked his head and half covered his face so the therapist did not have a good view. My husband and I did though. It is a very creepy thing to watch. If he’d been home I would have made sure I wasn’t alone with him and the other kids had a phone on them. He is very far from being stable. He acts like he is fix’n to blow.

We were served our court summons this afternoon. There is nothing quite like seeing your name on a petition to the court with the phrase “remove from custody” in bold black letters. The affidavit stated our son was a danger to us. The rest of the paperwork was the standard form CPS uses when ever a child is to be removed for abuse and neglect. We get to bring all sorts of paperwork attesting that we can properly care for our son.
There is nothing quite like grieving for a child who lives.

That son I bragged on in my last post, he thought it would be a good day to give me attitude over asking him if he wanted to go out for burgers. He is mad (I am assuming) because we were gone half the day. He is also mad because this was his first opportunity to play on the computer and we wanted to -gasp- take the him away from it to go out to eat. I think his problem with electronic stimulation is greater than we thought.
I am sensing an electronics fast coming on soon.

I am done dealing with people. I am tired. I am scared. I want to stop the world and get off. I am tired of putting one foot in front of the other. I am tired of doing my best and it not be enough. I wish I could have a bad day and not have to feel guilty because I am not optimistic. I know God is in control.
Some days that isn’t much of a comfort.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to some days i just want to get off

  1. Jeanne Holt says:

    (((((hug)))))) I am so sorry.

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