hitting my head agaist a brick wall


My daughter,whom I love very much,may not live to see nineteen. She is going to drive me around the bend. After being explained to yet again when her work was due and the consequences if she didn’t comply,she went and hid so she could text her friends. She hid and sneak text for no reason whatsoever. At supper I asked her what school work she had completed,and was very unhappy with her reply. With over the top snottiness she informed me that her friend “needed” to talk to her. I informed her she needed to finish last years school. I also asked her what her friend was going to do when she needed her and she had no electronics for six months in which to communicate with.
This was a shocking revelation.
Again.
Her dad tried to talk to her. She outright lied to him and told him she had read four books that day. Um,no,I don’t think so. She may have read the first and last chapters of four books,but even I could not have read four books in the time frame she was talking about.
Today she rolled out of bed sometime between 10:15 and 11:00. I do not know the exact time because I went for a nice long walk to try and keep my growing anger in check.
She had the audacity to get snotty with me. Not the smartest move on her part.
I jumped on her with both feet. Wearing boots. With cleats.
She of course is now mad at me-for getting mad at her.
We have a long standing rule about adult children living at home. They must be in school or paying rent. (Also no drugs, alcohol or guests of the opposite sex in their room) If she has no intention of doing her school,then I will divide the household expenses up by six and start charging her rent. Considering she doesn’t earn enough to pay one-sixth of our household expenses I will have to modify this.
I see no reason to keep busting my behind to educate her if she is not willing to do the minimum. She can drop out (of home school. I bet you didn’t know that was possible). She can also reinstate her school at any time. I know she has absolutely no life skills.This is not from lack of trying on our part. How on earth is she going to survive?
I am beginning to feel resentful and taken advantage of.
I know she is ARND. I just do not know what to do with an adult child who is less responsible now than when she was sixteen,or fourteen,or twelve.
Her dad and I are turning cartwheels trying to make major decisions,about finances and her youngest brother. We are trying to keep her needs and wants accommodated -even at expense to ourselves.
She only cares about texting people who aren’t really her friends anyway.Her social life is virtual. Her local girl friends have all dropped her due to her behavior with the boys. She has no one inviting her anywhere. And yet, this imaginary world is the only world she will engage in. Reality has no pull for her at all. She is almost nineteen and she doesn’t drive (refuses to learn) is unwilling to finish high school,works at most twelve hours a week and wants to be called an adult. She is burning bridges right and left.
I have no intention of kicking her out of the house. I also have no intention of enabling her to continue to spiral downward.
How I am going to manage that is beyond me.
She is going to make me bonkers.

(I know that she cannot make me anything. I choose to go bonkers. I choose not to go bonkers. She chooses to try, or not to try. This is the therapeutic interpretation of events.)

(I am not feeling therapeutic. It is hard feel therapeutic when one is going bonkers)

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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2 Responses to hitting my head agaist a brick wall

  1. Jeanne Holt says:

    And of course it doesn’t help to remember that she really isn’t mentally nineteen. Sounds more like twelve, although I have heard tell of more responsible twelve year olds. Sigh. Doesn’t make a hill of beans worth of difference when the law keeps telling her she’s an adult.

    I wonder if any glimmer of reality would shine through to her if you had her take the GED test, just to show her how unprepared she is? Probably not.

    You suppose they’ll let you have internet access at the funny farm?

  2. lenell says:

    I’m figuring we are back to age 10. That is how old she was when she came home. She spent most of the day not speaking to me, refusing to eat lunch, that sort of thing.
    By dinner time she was doing her schoolwork. It is 10:30 at night now and she is in her room reading the books she needs to finish for school.
    This is much better than she used to be. Even 2 years ago she would have stayed stuck in her mad for days,weeks and months. Today it was only a few hours.
    I feel my sanity returning.
    Slowly.

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