My son will be home somewhere between next Friday and next Monday. I am not sure if his facility discharges over the weekend. Our insurance will pay until the 30th. I was told on Friday that we have six to eight weeks (once we have the stupid IQ;except now it has to be a complete neuro-psych work up-the psychiatric assessment done in July will not be accepted either) before we have any funding to continue RTC. What makes this even worse, is we saw a glimmer of progress on Thursday. If he comes home, that glimmer will be lost.
Because no crisis exists in a vacuum,we are trying to get our finances in order. Selling our house is out.Two years after it began, the housing crash has finally migrated to our area. Homes are not moving. Banks are not lending and values have dropped.We are stuck.
We are stuck and I cannot work. I cannot go to school.Heck, after next week, pottying will become an issue again.
I have spent many panicked hours with my calculator trying to make everything work. I hope my grandchildren don’t mind paying for their uncle’s psychiatric bills, because they sure aren’t going to be payed off in my lifetime.
In the midst of our not so relaxing summer, my fourteen year old has been spending increasing amounts of time in computer land. He has no hobbies. None. He has no friends. None. He has no interest in the world around him. When his brother was home,we allowed the computer because we had no way of monitoring it anyway. He,for understandable reasons,did not want to be in the same room with his brother if he didn’t have to. I could not monitor what was happening upstairs. That resulted in hours and hours playing Dragon Age.
As we have spent the past month recovering,we have just now realized just how many hours a day this son is spending in his virtual world. Yesterday his dad decided to limit it.
Fast forward to the dinner table. Now,our kids are not good conversationalists. They never have been. Their dad and I do most of the conversing and try and draw them into the conversations. Last night we were trying to light heartedly suggest Mr. Fourteen Year Old return to old interests and suggesting new ones he might be interested in. We also were talking about Youngest’s return and the soon to be end of our peaceful meals.
It was then we noticed that my fourteen year old was crying. The rest of us assumed it was stress over youngest. It has been very hard on the kids.
After supper my husband tried and work out with this son what was bothering him. My son wouldn’t talk to his dad.His face was sideways. He cried and let the snot run into his mouth. He refused to speak. After a bit, my husband offered to take him to Sonic for a drink-just to break the mood. He was refused.He put his pajamas on early. He was going no where with no one. My son was M.A.D mad.
He wasn’t worried about his brother’s return. He was mad because we were limiting his computer time.
He was mad and he was stuck. (All of you with FAS kids know that stuck-it can last for months).
Here we are feeling twenty kinds of guilt assuming his angst was over the imminent return of youngest, and it was really because we took his toy away.
In the end ,we all went to Sonic for Limeades. Our fourteen year old decided that being left behind while everyone else had fun wasn’t exactly what he wanted, so he put his clothes back on and came with. The drama effect was removed. By actual bedtime, he was once again talking to his dad.
He is such a funny kid.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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2 Responses to life

  1. Jeanne Holt says:

    Oh, Lindy. I am so sorry.

    Praying daily for your youngest and the rest of the family. Praying that God will somehow keep the progress going– it absolutely floors me how the mental health system works in this world– it doesn’t seem like anybody that controls the money understands the length of time it takes for a person to heal. Praying that God will provide for your finances. Praying that he will uphold your other children and allow them to thrive. Praying that he gives you strength. Praying that you all will be kept safe. Praying, praying, praying for A’s healing.

    Sigh. It seems like empty words– “be warmed and filled”– but our God is big and knows every human being on the planet who is capable of being his hands and feet to provide you with the things you need. Surely he can move the right people. And I pray in the name of Jesus that he will surround your family with his army so that the demons run in terror from your house.

    Ephesians 6:12
    For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, (I am so tempted to add “against the state of __”,) against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

  2. Vicki Meyer says:

    I’m praying, Lindy. And I’m glad his “stuck” didn’t last long, at least. Computerland is such a haven for FAE/FAS kids (as well as quite a few more mainstream ones). But, like alcohol, it relieves the pain while causing more pain later…..My dh was allowed to watch endless TV in high school to keep him occupied after a cross-country move, and he still thinks it greatly hindered his ability to relate to people. It’s also the reason we don’t have TV…he will watch just to watch when he’s around one, hopping channels during commercials, never sticking to one thing..

    I do wish Al wasn’t coming home without substantial progress. What are they thinking? Are they thinking?

    I’m continuing to pray for your family. Of course.

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