My son was home for only an month and the rest of our family is still recovering. Youngest isn’t our only stress inducing event. He has just been the most urgent. For the moment he is safe and we are safe.
We had our first family therapy session at the new facility this morning. We like the therapist. He understood our son pretty well. He doesn’t seem to be manipulated very easily. We mentioned how fragmented our son appeared. We let him make his own conclusions.He told us our son appeared to have DID, although he had never seen it in a child before. He concluded that our son was in danger of becoming a danger.
Tell us something we don’t know.
At this juncture, the therapist’s goal is to work with youngest on the issues that are preventing him from coming home. These are his propensity towards unprovoked violence,his insistence on isolating himself and his refusal to cooperate with most,if not all requests. Youngest feigned sleep during most the meeting. This let my husband and myself know that our son knows he cannot easily manipulate this therapist.It is what he does at home when he can not manipulate. He pretends to sleep and if that doesn’t have the desired effect he moves on to verbal threats and posturing.
It is interesting to note that the therapist’s way of handling our son is very similar to the way we handle him. He was laid back in his affect,but direct in his speech. He used humor and analogies to get his point across. At no time did he belittle or talk down to our son. He spoke as if he expected our son to heal. Just like we do.
I am (so far) impressed with this facility. They treat our son with respect,but do not enable him to rule the roost. For the first time since a year ago April,I am confident my son is being treated appropriately.
Now we need to deal with all the other things going on that would normally have deserved a front and center place in our energies. Homicidal took precedence over my dad’s surgery,possible cancer of a daughter in law, imminent significant decrease in finances, and hormonal “adult” teenage daughters with ARND and subsequent inability to understand the consequences of her own behavior. She has some pretty significant consequences.
I have found myself with little patience for those who’s only problems are self-inflicted. I want to-but obviously do not-tell them to quit whining and grow up. I would gladly share some of our stress with them.
I do know without a doubt that God is in control (which is good because I usually botch things when left to my own devises). We are slowly leaving crisis mode and moving into extreem stress.Eventually we will return to our version of normalcy.
Unless youngest is released home anytime soon. If he is, we will then jump right back into crisis mode.
I love my son. I pray nearly constantly for him to heal. He,however, is broken into little pieces and I cannot put him back together on my own. I/We need help. Until he has healed-even a little- he is not safe for us to have home. It is not what we want.
It is reality.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to proccessing

  1. Jeanne Holt says:

    Praising God that your son seems to be in a good place. Praying that he will be motivated to heal, and that God will bless that process. Praying for your family: your dad, your daughter in law, your daughter, your husband and each of your children. Praying for your finances. Praying for your health and your sanity.

    Especially, I pray that God will bless you each day with a special moment of beauty and joy that will touch your heart with the absolute assurance of his presence in your life and his deep, abiding and personal love for you.

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