family therapy for the three millionth time

You know, until youngest came home I had never attended a family therapy session. Eight other children,six of which have abuse and neglect in their backgrounds and never once a family therapy session. Because we have now had literally five placements besides our home in about two years, it is no wonder we are still at the starting point. Actually, we have lost ground; a lot of ground. Because of that,I am praying for an RTC placement instead of home.
Yet another placement. Unless his violence is gotten under control, it will not be his last.
It breaks my heart. It can’t be helped. He simply is not safe to have in the home. He is not willing/able/or a combination there-of to work towards becoming safe.
This family therapy meeting was facilitated with the social worker. She told me there is a fifty-fifty chance they can find him a bed. Our insurance will cover sixty days. It is his violence that may prevent placement. It is his violence that is preventing him from living any kind of life at all. It will be Tuesday at the earliest before he is discharged. They could possibly stretch it to Wednesday if they were waiting on a bed. I begged them to try and find someone to do his IQ test while he there. If they cannot,and he comes home, my other alternative is the school district. That will take time to set up. Time we may not have. I cannot start Post-adopt without the IQ test.
When my son was brought in to the meeting he was not disappointed to find out he might not becoming home. He was disappointed to know it was only a fifty-percent chance. When asked how to help him stay safe while if he comes home his contribution was along the lines of “let me read in my room” Anything else would “make” him “explode”. If I give him some math or a chore to keep him busy I was forcing him to “explode”. To be in the main part of the house would “make” him “explode” The Social Worker asked him what would help him calm down. His reply was “nothing”. My son told her that if he went home he was afraid he would hurt us. I was told our saftey plan was what she would suggest. My son was informed that if he attacked anyone the police would be called and this time we would have no other option but to press charges-did he understand what that would mean? Detention and the juvenile prison was his response. It was also the first time he smiled. He also went on and on about how he had to meet “someone” in his birth city. Any attempt to show him it would not be possible to find this someone in a city about hundred miles away with a population of millions and millions just agitated him. He has to meet this person. He has to.
The social worker just looked sad as she listened to my son tell us how he can’t change,how it is always other’s fault when he explodes and so on.
I am not sure how I looked. I do know both the nurse who let me on the elevator and the security guard downstairs asked me if I was alright.
I will be. It is just very hard to see this son who has so much potential stay locked in his own private hell. Unfortunately he wants others to feel his internal pain by causing them external pain.
We have until Tuesday at the earliest. Yesterday was the first day I’ve had any emotional energy to do much of anything at all. My plan is to get the house back into shape and to try and cook a bit for the freezer. If and when my son comes home he is not going to be happy to be here. He is going to let us know that in no uncertain terms. I cannot let him stay in his room peeing in his emergency bucket,bringing him his meals for days unending. He is going to have to be downstairs. There are things that need to be done. I am not a prison warden. I am a mom. This is not an institution,it is a family.
We are praying a bed can be found.
Keeping him there will be the next step.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to family therapy for the three millionth time

  1. PC says:

    I’m one of those standing by with prayer, helping to hold your arms up. You’re right on the front lines of a battle, and the enemy is really using dirty bombs! Praying Ps 91 for you, your family, and A as you seek refuge:

    He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

    2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

    3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.

    4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

  2. Jeanne Holt says:

    No words. Just prayers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s