I’m not sure what to write

I have at least had a bit of sleep. We have seen and played with all of the grandchildren. My five year old granddaughter told me she loves playing with grandpa-“He is just like a toy!”

My eighteen year old has decided she is in control of her brothers again and announced her fourteen year old brother might be going with her to a water park out of town. We announced that he had to ask permission of us. We would determine whether or not he would be allowed to go-not her. In the end he didn’t even want to go. Her other brother is going. He is seventeen almost eighteen. At his age we need to know drivers and time lines. At his age a “a bunch of us are going here, is it OK if I go?” is expected.
It isn’t his sister’s role to tell us he is going. This attitude will get worse. It is fall out from threats of a CPS investigation. It is fall out from all the stress and our inability to do much more than keep their youngest brother contained. We have no energy left over to make sure they are doing more than maintaining.

My oldest son told me his wife may be facing a life threatening illness. They will know more next week. She is twenty-five and they have two small children. He is being strong for everyone while they wait. He doesn’t want his sisters to know and worry until they have a definitive diagnosis. I had to pull it out of him as he didn’t want me to worry either.
I am not sure how much our family is supposed to endure here.

The county is backing down on their CPS threats. We misunderstood we were told. They were just offering us options for the good of our family. By the way,who was the responding officer again?
This was my reply to their suggestion we dissolve the adoption:

We contacted our attorney two weeks ago when it became apparent we were having trouble finding someone to treat A—- do to safety and liability concerns for the professionals involved.
Our attorney suggested that the county is our best option for finding immediate funding for treatment; if it is court ordered. Our only other option,per our attorney, is to go through post- adopt (about 6 weeks to process if it is expedited) and use their funding up and then allow them to petition cps for joint conservatorship . If we do not go through the steps with post adopt we face abuse and neglect charges. We cannot petition cps ourselves without risking our other children (who themselves are former foster children and do not deserve to risk losing their home now) and our own reputations.
My question is this: What good is it that A— is on probation if threatening to kill me and attacking family members isn’t a violation? I thought this was why we extended him in the first place-so his actions would have consequences. .Is it, or is it not against the law to threaten to kill someone and to attack family members? If it is not a violation of the terms of his probation, please explain to me what the terms actually meant. Does he have to kill someone?
What you are telling me is that by following your advise and calling crisis intervention instead of pressing charges when A—- attacked,has allowed the W— County to call CPS and have us investigated. Under what grounds are you doing this? For who’s benefit?
Do you suggest to birth parents that they abandon their teens to CPS when they are in serious trouble? Do you suggest they open their family up for investigation for trying to follow the law and also get help for their child?
Simply tell us you are not intending to revoke his probation no matter what our son’s actions Tell us there is no funding at the county level for RTC. We are looking elsewhere for help. We are contacting everyone we can think of to find that help. Please do not threaten us with a CPS investigation for trying to keep our family safe and also help A— so he is not a threat to general society when he is grown. Do not tell us to abandon our son- and he is still our son.- to get help.
We have always cooperated fully with the county. We have made every meeting,every psych appointment,every family therapy appointment and maintained at least weekly visits with A—. We have been to every court date. We have allowed you into our home. We have stressed respect of the law to all of our children; especially A—-. We followed your advise and called CIT. We believed you to be honorable.
I sincerely hope we were not wrong.

The psych hospital is trying to find us an RTC bed. We have thirty days with our insurance and our benefit year is about to change over so we might be able to get sixty days. I don’t know if that will mess up funding though post-adopt. The person I would need to talk to is on vacation.
I really do not want to go the post adopt route. We end up being joint conservators with CPS if we go that route. I do not want CPS in our lives at all. The only good thing if we do,is we still have a say in his care and we do not face charges for getting him help. The easiest would be for the judge to order him into an RTC. I am not holding my breath.

He will be home in three more days.
He will not be happy to be here.

My daughter-in-law may be having major surgery next week and I cannot even go up to the hospital. I cannot sit with my son while his wife undergoes her surgery. I cannot have his children stay here while she recovers. I cannot even go and clean her house for her.

I feel torn in little pieces. I have so many people who need me right now and all I can do is watch youngest and try and keep everyone safe. It isn’t parenting. It isn’t even babysitting. It is more like being trapped in a room with an unstable animal. Hypervigilance doesn’t even begin to describe it.
My husband is back to work tomorrow. This has been some vacation for him. He is more exausted now than when he was working seventy hours. He now understands what it is like with youngest on a daily basis and is afraid for me to be home alone with him.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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4 Responses to I’m not sure what to write

  1. Summersnow says:

    Praying. Your name, A’s name, your Dh, your children all on the ‘frig. Praying.

  2. Lisa says:

    Praying and lifting you up today.

  3. lenell says:

    thank you

  4. Jeanne Holt says:

    Praying for you all.

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