what to do?

Youngest is beginning his downward slide again. For two days he was fairly compliant;edgy,but able to be redirected. Today he was back to refusal mode and slid into cussing and muttering and death glares for no discernible reason. He wants to be in his room when he is like this. The only problem is, once he is up there he refuses to come down. He once told his PO, his dad and me that what he wants is to always be in his room an be fed through a hatch in the door. On the days he refuses to leave his room I end up bringing him a peanut butter sandwich,carrot sticks and a glass of water at bedtime. So in effect, he gets his cell and the food through the hatch in the door.
If I insist he return downstairs, he escalates. He stormed upstairs this evening daring me to stop him. I would have assured he would have escalated into violence if I had. So I didn’t.
This evening he blocked his door with his dresser. I had to tell him his body needed food even though he wasn’t hungry. When he reblocked his door again, I told him that he had to keep his door free in case of fire or his body might burn. We had to be able to get to him . (this is true,we have his window locked to keep him fro sitting in the second story sill). At that point his dad talked him into using the bathroom. I talked him into brushing his teeth since he was already in the bathroom. His dad then convinced him to shower since he was already in the bathroom.
I then read him his story and prayed over him and kissed him good night.
It was as if the entire day had not occurred.
I honestly do not know If I was conned,or if my son can simply not handle basic life anymore. Neither is comforting.
He may not know either.

The psychiatrist’s office called. There is an opening on Wednesday morning.
I hope we can make it until then.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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3 Responses to what to do?

  1. hnracademy says:

    Still praying!

  2. Pam P. says:

    Lenell, i just happened onto your blog, and i have gone thru a similar journey with our adolescent (also adopted) son. first i have to say, you are a wonderful woman and a tireless mom. and your son feels your love and needs your love and you are like a light in the darkness to him. But sometimes there is just more than a non professional like us can handle. I know what you are going through, bc we ended up sending our son to wilderness therapy and then to a residential treatment center. we also finally got him to a pyschiatrist (before the treatment he refused and refused), and he is on medication and it is really helping him. sending him away was the hardest hardest thing, i cried and cried and cried, but it was the best thing we ever did, and in retrospect, the only thing we could’ve done. our son was in such turmoil, and was so unstable, threatening and cursing and refusing to do things. your son sounds like he is in turmoil and also as you say unstable. he is not really himself, his behavior is what they call “maladaptive,” he is trying to self-treat but can’t do it. they say things they don’t even mean. they don’t even know why they are saying or behaving like this, they hate it too deep down. he needs more help than any mom can give, even someone like you who is the best mom he could ever have. he needs professional help, residential treatment, and probably medication and it can make so much difference. you need help!!!!! i didn’t want to send my sweet boy away, i cried so much, and then once we did i finally realized we were getting the help we needed and the help he needed. the wilderness therapy program was wonderful, it is called Turnabout Ranch and they turned his whole life around, ours too, and they kept telling us parents, “you get to a point where you need backup, that’s what we are, now you have 30 people backing you up. you couldn’t do this on your own.” if you can believe it he wrote us letters telling us how badly he felt about how he had behaved, he was ashamed, he was trapped in such a place of pain and unhappiness, he hoped we still loved him (!!!!!! it makes me cry to just think he could ever question our love, even when i’m writing this!!!). Go to their website, it is so wholesome, and it really does what they say. Then the residential program we sent our son to was Logan River Academy and it was really helpful too. They are both in Utah. The people at both places have seen it all, get it, they are tireless, and they truly love and care for these kids in pain, they are dedicated to bringing them back to us. You need the help. Both of them will give some financial help I think, and you should be able to get your county or your school system to fund it. LRA has a lot of “funded” kids. I feel for you Lanell, you are not alone. Our son is home… he has been home for six weeks and it continues to be a journey, but it is so far very different. we have learned new skills in dealing with this particular kid also. Know that people care… and good luck….

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