what I have learned

I have learned a lot these past two years. I have learned even more this past month.
I have learned that I don’t know much.
I have been humbled. Having a child in the juvenile judicial system is humbling. Knowing most of the prosecuting department on a first name basis is humbling. Having a parole officer come weekly to one’s home is humbling.
To have to beg for help is humbling.
I have learned that needing help and receiving help can be mutually exclusive.
I have learned I have very real limits and I can still function-barely-when I have surpassed them.
I have grown children who now worry if they cannot get a hold of me.
I have learned that the rest of my children have the capacity to love unconditionally. Even when they are wanting to punch their brother in his face, what they really want is for him to heal.
My children,grown and here at the house, show Christ’s Love to their brother by continuing to love him no matter how ugly he acts. They understand what love really and truly means. It is action,not feeling, It is choice.They are choosing to love the unlovable. That is something I am proud of. My other children get it.It is impossible to love in that manner without the heart of Christ.
There are some things that a strong will and love cannot fix.
I have seen the results of evil and it lives in my home. My son isn’t evil,but what was systematically done to him was.
Somehow life has to continue. Living in perpetual crisis is beyond difficult.It is our current reality and we had better find a way to deal with it.
It is amazing what can become normal after a bit of time.
God knows what he is doing, but am not God so I don’t have a clue.
I wish He would give me a bit more direction here.
An instructors manual would be nice.
The prayers of others is not a luxury, they are a necessity.
I humbly and sincerely thank all who are holding us up through prayer.
This is, and will continue to be, very,very difficult.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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2 Responses to what I have learned

  1. Heather says:

    I found you through the Sonlight blogroll and have been following your story for awhile. I’m coming out of lurkdom to let you know that I pray for you and your family and for your son’s redemption.

    Heather

  2. Jeanne Holt says:

    “needing help and receiving help can be mutually exclusive”

    Absolutely unfathomable. Like doctors using the words “inoperable,” “terminal,” “hopeless,” apparently it’s okay to turn away a child who is in desperate need of help because his case is too extreme. I just cannot understand how the people who should be helping can feel justified in saying they aren’t qualified (or whatever) to help because your son is too messed up, and yet they have no qualms about leaving you all to fend for yourselves. That’s just insane.

    Prayers continue.

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