finding help

Today I talked again with the therapist I had hoped to use. I talked to our lawyer. I talked with Post-Adopt. I emailed my son’s PO.I called the psychiatrist’s office. I was able to do this because my son shut himself off and “slept on the couch for most of the day. If I go on he front porch I can watch him through the storm door and he can hear very little.
This is what I was told:
My hoped for therapist upon hearing that the names he gave me did not work out and given the update from the last few days behaviors told me my son was probably not safe in a family setting. We needed to try and find residential care. He apologized for not being qualified. He offered to support me in any way I needed,but he could not take on my son.
Our Lawyer suggested we get the county to pay and if that failed to go through post adopt. He was horrified we never received full records,he applauded our commitment. I don’t want to be sainted. I want help for my son.
Post adopt is sending me the paperwork needed to start the proccess with them. She also told me our best bet would be through the judicial system. If we go through Post -adopt we will end up having to petition the state for joint conservatorship to pay for treatment past 30-90 days. If we go through their agency to petitioned the state we will not be charged with abuse or neglect. If we tried to do it on our own we would be. She suggested it would be easier on all involved if the judge orders him into treatment and we can avoid CPS involvement.
The PO is meeting with mental health in her department and will get back with me with options there.
The psychiatrist has no openings earlier than our scheduled appointment on August fourth,but due to my son’s recent thoughts of killing people and his hearing voices they will give me the first canceled appointment should that occur.
This is not what we want. We want our son to be home. We want help keeping him home.
The truth is he is deteriorating.
Each day he is slightly (or considerably) more unstable than the one preceding it.
Each night at bedtime he snuggles in to hear his story. He could have been muttering threats thirty minutes beforehand; it doesn’t matter. He loves for me to read to him.
My heart is breaking.
I am afraid to put him in a RTC. What if it isn’t a good facility? He needs help,not babysat.
I want him home. I am afraid to have him home. I don’t know how to handle the near constant switching of his parts. Parenting techniques that work for one or two don’t work for others. It seems that if I begin to connect with some of his parts the dark parts take over.
How do I do this?
I have other children with special needs of their own. I have a husband. I have grown children and grandchildren.
If we find an RTC that is capable and secure the funding we will have to send him. It is the only way we can get him help.
That is still an if.
Why do I feel like I am failing? My brain tells me one thing.
My heart tells me the opposite.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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4 Responses to finding help

  1. Pam Cadd says:

    I don’t think that’s God accusing you. Your heart hurts because you love him so much and are so committed to his success. But if he had a physical illness that required a hospital stay, you’d be there in a minute. If you can find a qualified treatment center for him, he can return home later – and that’s a hope you can hold onto and help him hold onto.
    Prayers continue…

  2. Summersnow says:

    I was thinking as I was reading that A is so blessed–that God loves him so much to have given him you and your dh as parents. In another situation he would have been dropped or sent back into foster care or a group home. He would not have had someone loving him and advocating for him. A has been hurt very badly and on top of that the system tried to deceive you by withholding information.

    But God meant it all for good–A’s good. To show him that he is loved and to give him a mom who will truthfully will tell him he is loved and can get better. It is a great deal. A very great deal.

    Holding you up in prayer daily.


  3. Jeanne Holt says:

    Why do you feel like you are failing? Well, my gut tells me that the father of lies put that in your head. Someone who wants you to feel discouraged and lose any joy you may have.

    As much as you love your son, he was God’s child first and God loves him more than you ever could. God has seen his pain throughout his whole life and knows exactly what he has gone through, is going through, and will go through.

    I don’t know what God has planned for your son, but I do know he has already blessed him by placing him in your care.

    Praying daily for his healing.

  4. Risa/Heidi says:

    I’ve been checking on you all day! You’re family is on my heart for sure – God bless you with peace…and answers…and a break

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