now what?

I have had worse days.Today,however, was on the not a very good day at all list. Youngest was in full RAD mode all day long. About supper time he started crying.It was out of the blue. He went from scowling to crying without warning. He cried and talked about wanting to go back to his birth family to “get answers” He talked about not wanting to ever let anyone get close to him. He talked about his birth parents and different placements and how he felt safe in JJ.He talked about how messed up he was,but he wanted to staymessed up. I listened. I did not cry. I did not say much more than agree that it is a hard thing to have gone through and it is hard for him now.
I did not cry.
Our AC died.
It is three hundred and fifty degrees in the house tonight. If it is just the motor we will have AC tomorrow and will not have to go into debt. If it is the compressor….well it won’t be fixed tomorrow and we will have to go into debt. Not having AC in our state is like going without heat in the far north. Air conditioning is a necessity. (and no, window units in the interim are forbidden by our HOA. Have I mentioned that I hate the HOA?)
The therapist called me back.
She suggests we find residential treatment for our son. She suggests we get a lawyer and try and make the state pay for his treatment. She is not willing to treat him. She will continue to try and help us find someone who is willing-that is also qualified. It is his damn felony assault charge and his history of continued instability. No one will take on that much of a safety risk. He will get worse before he gets better and it seems the professionals are afraid of the liability and their own safety.They are concerned about my safety as well. Intellectually I understand this.
Emotionally I feel kicked while down.
What on earth are we supposed to do?
I don’t know how long we can maintain him safely at home. I just don’t know.
I do know that we are his last chance.
We cannot “give him back” to the state and condemn him to staying as he is-or worse.(not to mention the ramifications to our family)
If there is a residential program that will take him the thirty days out insurance pays for plus the three months that post adopt might pay if the facility contracts with them (which of course does not mean they are any good;just cheap) will not be enough time to actually help him.
If he says home we are not finding anyone to help due to his history of violence and homicidal ideation.
If he goes back to the county he may very well end up in prison-unless there is a miracle placement that did not exist last fall.
What are we supposed to do?

Funny story (at least I thought it was funny):
My youngest son was muttering vague threats under his breath today. I overheard the “I swear to God mutter,mutter” part and had to say something.
“Son, you don’t believe in God. You can’t swear to someone you don’t think exists”
“I don’t believe in your God. That’s why I’m swearing to Him”
I think his definitive of swearing was not the same as my definition of swearing.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to now what?

  1. Jeanne Holt says:

    Praying for a/c repair. Living in Tucson, I get the need for that.

    Praying for your family. It is so not right that this boy who is psychologically and emotionally damaged by the actions of others cannot get help. It is unthinkable that those who are trying to heal him and love him and give him a better life cannot get help. Praying daily for your safety and his healing.

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