trying to find our new “normal”

Today is my first day alone,as in no other adult in the house with me, with youngest. I will give him this,he is trying to maintain. Our game plan is to keep things exceptionally low key-even for us to keep his stress level to a minimum. He is currently sharpening all of the colored pencils,methodically and somewhat obsessively. It is keeping him occupied. He is having a very hard time that way. He won’t read,even thought he read like crazy while incarcerated, because we read. We took him to the Library yesterday so he could pick out his own books instead of having to read one of the hundreds of books in the house. The library books are sitting in his room and he won’t read them. We also took him to Half Price to spend the gift card my dad sent him as a welcome-back-your-out- of-state-family-loves-you gift. He was not allowed to get Goose Bumps or a radio for obvious reasons. He did buy a How To Draw Dragons book and a couple of pens. The book also sits unused. He gave a pen to his dad (with great drama and is upset his dad isn’t keeping it in his pocket constantly). It must be a huge dilemma for him to not let himself enjoy anything in our home,but not have any other options. When I asked him to sweep the floor last night,he became very edgy. When his dad told him to obey me while he was at work,he sounded betrayed. He has had periods of time where he sits and mutters to himself or tries to shut himself down with a blanket over his head. He has periods of time he pets the animals correctly and times where they shy away. I haven’t seen him be mean,he just gets obsessive-so far. We are taking him on walks in the evenings and then taking both boys swimming. He has trouble walking the mile or so around the neighborhood and was upset we walk the few blocks to the pool. He also has a very difficult time being seen with us. He nods at cars as if he knows the driver. He doesn’t like to share the sidewalk with others. All minor RAD stuff. My fourteen year old is being kind,but not going out of his way to entertain. He is putting up with youngest trying to dominate his dad by being patient. We are putting youngest to bed before the other kids. He has so far used his emergency bucket instead of the carpet (that I know of,I’m not checking all that close). Removing the mirror from the half-bath seems to have kept bathroom time down to a normal amount (thanks Lisa!). He is always,always accounted for and everything is locked down. It is like parenting a very large toddler while being cognizant of his mood at all times.So far we have been able to redirect before emotions have surpassed edgy. He is a ticking time bomb. He is at times viably holding himself together. Those are his muttering times.

A very weird thing happens last night. Our young ,two-thirds grown puppy barked all night long. She is inside. She has occasionally barked at night,but never like this. My husband got out of bed and checked to make sure the house and yard were secure. No one was on the street. No raccoons in the backyard. No neighbor dogs barking. Just her. Finally, I got out of bed just before six and came down stairs. She immediately stopped barking and fell asleep. It was just odd.
We have a large prayer request. We are praying for a therapist who has experience with DID who is not over an hour from the house. This is a big order,so please pray.
Other than feeling claustrophobic, I am doing OK. I have always hated tomato staking children. There is no end in sight with this son and it makes me a bit crazy not to be able to use the bathroom without backup to watch youngest. There is also no privacy to talk on the phone,or even to my husband. It makes me a bit batty. I’ll get used to it,never fear.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to trying to find our new “normal”

  1. Risa/Heidi says:

    Praying for your family now

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