summer reading list and superheros


My reading list includes such best sellers as The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, Multiple Personality Disorder from the Inside Out,Attaching in Adoption, Building the Bonds of Attachment and the old time favorite, When love is Not Enough.
The latter books are all review. In reality I almost have them memorized. The first two books on the list are a tad bit overwhelming. I exaggerate. They are extremely overwhelming. The second book is written by those who are DID. Many brush lightly on the horror that they went through as children. This is the same horror my oldest three experienced. This is close to what we believe youngest has experienced. It is sanitized. I recognize sanitized, having done so for years when talking about my children’s past.
I am trying to find a place of empathy for my youngest child. I am trying, however imperfectly, to see life though his eyes. What I am finding is raw grief.
To cause pain, deliberately cause pain, to a child is unfathomable to me. I can understand neglect somewhat better. Neglect is selfish. Abuse is evil.
During our last family therapy session my husband talked to my son some about his superheros inside. Before you think we are going off half cocked on supposition and not diagnosis-we may be,but we don’t think so. It explains so much that his fragments are independent of each other. My husband told him that we loved all of him. We wanted all of him home. His superheros had protected him well,but maybe it was time to let up a little.He had parents that would protect him now,could they (the superheros) let us do our job? I am paraphrasing here. I watched my son go from ignoring his father and posture (son #2) to putting his head on the table and stare at his dad full on,listening carefully.
Yesterday was my last visit with my son before he comes home. It was a bit surreal,as many of our visits are. My son and reality are not close friends. I went through the litany of our trustworthiness. I listed everything we had done to support him. I asked him if our house was safe,if he was treated kindly,if he was hurt or attacked. He told me without hesitation our home was safe and he was safe there. I told him again of our love for him and I added our love for his superheros.
“We love all of you son. We will keep all of you safe. We will keep you safe from yourself. You were born good and worthy of love. That good is still there,even if you don’t see it.” I told him that I wasn’t stupid and seeing things that didn’t exist. I told him I was, in fact, pretty smart. He smiled for real for a moment,and then the shadow returned. Time up. Visit over. I will see my son again on the day he comes home.
Superheros and all.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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