I need to turn my brain off

I spent most of yesterday holding a newborn and a discombobulated three year old,while listening to my daughter talk about motherhood. I enjoyed myself and hopefully was a help to my daughter. She is a good mama,and like all good mamas she feels inadequate for the job. It is interesting to watch the three year old proccess the new brother. He is kind to the baby and loves to help. He is also very unsure of his own place in the family and needs tons of reassurance. This translates into acting out and needing to be held more than usual.
It was nice to have an interlude into normal family dynamics.
We have some similar dynamics at our house. The difference is the age of the kids and the type of acting out.
I am missing a ten dollar bill.
Did I spend it and forget?
Did I hand it to my husband and forget?
Did my son use it when he went to the movies on Saturday?
Where did my son get his cash for the movie?
He earned a twenty a month ago for his dad’s birthday-and never bought his dad a blasted thing. He has purchased junk food from the store a few times. He has gone to the movies,but just the dollar theater. Could he really have ten of that twenty left?

My other son is struggling with his math.
I have been increasing his supervision since he failed his last test-but had nearly perfect homework prior.
I am seeing answers without corresponding work.
Is he cheating again?
Is he just using scratch paper I do not see?
Is his brain working in fits and starts?
Or is he waiting for me to use the potty and filling in blanks?

My daughter is not allowed to use her phone during school. She keeps it upstairs(and thinks I don’t know) and disappears for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time to use the bathroom.
Perhaps she is having digestive issues?
Perhaps she is texting from the potty.
Is her smug face because she has done well today in her Algebra,or because she thinks she has deceived me with her phone?

Do I bring these issues up without concrete proof?
I could be reading a whole bunch into nothing.
I could be a bit paranoid and suspicious.
I could simply be wrong.
Bringing my concerns up if they are baseless would do a lot of damage to relationships that are a bit shaky right now.

If I am in fact right to be a bit suspicious and my teens are getting away with deception,cheating and theft,and I do not address it -am I aiding and abetting? Do I really want to know why they are doing these things?

I am certain my possessions are being broken. I am ninety-nine percent sure which son is doing it. I am ninety-nine percent sure why.
I am not certain on the other issues. Although I am nintey percent certain the same son who is breaking my things is also ten dollars richer.
I am also not certain they are other issues.
I never addressed my missing treasures. They only held sentimental value. Do I need to? Would it do a bit of good if I did? Am I being negligent if I don’t. I know it was deliberate because no one has mentioned their absence. The number one suspect literally movee his eyes away from the empty place where they were displayed and said nothing.
They will never rat each other out. They will support each other to the death no matter how wrong the behavior or how potentially dangerous.
They are mad at me about their brother-both his going away and his eminent return.
It is discouraging to see eight years worth of work evaporate.
It makes me wonder if the progress was real.
Which makes me wonder a whole lot of other things.
Raising teenagers with FASD and all the adoption related issues is not for the weak.
These are my good kids.
Youngest is in a league of his own.
Oh why can’t I just turn off my brain and stop thinking. I would be much happier if nothing mattered. (not really,but don’t tell me that)

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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