a schizophrenic day

My day began very well. It was the annual Cardboard Boat Regatta today (pictures when I upload) . For the first time my almost fourteen year old participated. I watched him interact with other teens appropriately. It was wonderful to watch. They didn’t win this year. It was the city’s librarians who beat them. Who would have thought librarians would be that vicious? Afterward our team sunk their boat on the water. They were a happy muddy mess. I love seeing my kids have a good time. It was the bookends who participated. Their brother chose to work today. Picking him up, he and I had a rare conversation. He spoke in more than monosyllables. I discovered he is working towards his Mitchell Award. He also told me speaking in front of others isn’t all that hard anymore. That is a big leap. He is my son who has been diagnosed with schizoid disorder (not to be confused with schizophrenia) He is most comfortable living inside his own head. I am very encouraged to hear he is no longer panicked by talking to others. He tells me he isn’t even nervous anymore.

All three went to see Ironman 2 with a bunch of CAP kids this evening. I told my husband it was weird to have them all act like “normal” teens on the same day. It was very good to see them have fun with other kids.

I also had my weekly visit with youngest this afternoon. I did not feel all warm and fuzzy then. He has been demoted a level again. It is very hard to tell which side is telling me the truth. My son or his therapist (JOAT).
Both have shown themselves self serving and capable of shading the truth (lying). I did tell my son he had to play the game and cooperate. If he allowed JOAT to bait him (my son’s perspective) then he loses what control he has. He only has a bit more than four weeks to go. He cannot afford to blow out again. I have no idea if I got through. JOAT baiting youngest is a real fear. On the other hand,youngest is more than capable of blowing out on his own. I am sure the truth is in the middle somewhere.
There was a point when I laughed out loud though. He was talking about a new kid who spent all night banging on his-for lack of better words-cell door and screaming he wanted to watch TV. This boy also rages frequently and my son thinks he is beyond annoying.
I told him he might as well develop a sense of humor about it;and besides, that is pretty close to how he acted at home. He smiled and told me he really had changed a lot in the last year then.I told him that if he ever felt like raging he should remember just how stupid the other boy lookes because it was just how silly he lookes when banging on things and barking.
The rest of the conversation was pretty typical until we got to the satanists on his unit. Most of the stories relayed by Youngest were total BS. It was the unadulterated joy as he told me about slitting throats and parents being chopped to death that is worrisome. It is difficult to describe. Most everything he said was to pull my chain. I am well aware of that. The joy was real though. Think about the face on a four year old describing the wonder of Christmas and you will have his expression as he described slitting a Catholic’s throat. No,no warm fuzzy feelings for me.
I have a question.
What would possess (pun unintended) adults to show movies about the supernatural (zombies, murders, witch craft, demon possessed etc) to a bunch of emotionally disturbed boys? Most of the stories were dramatized old campfire tales and bad horror movie plots from the seventies. To a group of normal adolescents this would just be corny. Not to theses boys. These boys take that stuff seriousely. I wish these people would think things through a bit better. My son has a very hard time separating fact from fiction, already has a homicidal bent,thinks satan is pretty cool,and fantasizes about hurting others. I am sure he isn’t the only one. This is not what I want to fill his head.
Most of today was very good. It was that interlude of creepy that is keeping me awake,though.
I’ll say one thing about adopting youngest,If I thought I prayed a lot before he became my son,it is nothing to the amount of time spent praying now.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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