green eyes,sneaking and growing up-but not really

We’ve been busy these past several days. We have had three of the now five grandchildren here. Not all at once. I tried that once and it may be a while before I can handle two three year old little boys. We kept the new big brother until Sunday. He was a lot of fun. We now have his cousins through today.
The little children have taken to the newest member of our family much better than their aunt and uncles have.
The “big” kids,the legal adult and the nearly fourteen year old have had their noses out of joint. It is my eighteen year old who is having the most jealousy. I would like to tell you I have been therapeutic in handling it.
Instead I treated her as a neuro-typical twelve year old and told her to get over herself.I told her she was a bit old to be jealous of a new life. What it came down to is they had to miss Karate. It took them an entire day before they would be kind to their nephew-who adores them. I was not a proud mama. In the end they came around a bit. Being jealous of the grandkids is a new phenomena. I have my theories as to why now. They are only guesses as my kids never share what is going on inside their heads.
The older two kids went in together to buy a lap top last winter. We have some rules in place for the seventeen year old,nothing too intrusive. He cannot use it in his room and I have to be able to access it if I feel the need. His sister is eighteen and has no restrictions. Last night all the kids had said goodnight and were supposedly in bed. My husband was in bed. I went up to check on the grandkids and caught my older son coming out of the bathroom with his lap top. I can only think of one reason to take it into the potty and it isn’t a nice reason. If he wanted to play games he could have just sat on the couch and played. He put himself to bed. It isn’t like he has a bedtime. This did not sit well with me as we have had a problem with inappropriate sites in the past. This did however set up my next problem.
I was lying in bed contemplating whether or not I should bring his computer into our room or not. I thought I barely heard a noise and wondered if my son was sneaking the laptop into his room at night. I decided the prudent thing was to just go get it. It wasn’t on the couch. It wasn’t upstairs. I turned on a light and caught my daughter standing dead still at the bottom of the stairs with the laptop. This also did not sit well with me.
Her light was out when I went to bed. She waited until the upstairs was completely quiet for almost a half hour before she silently walked up and retrieved her own computer in the dark. When I took it from her it was password protected and I couldn’t access it. I was now more than a little unhappy.I was a lot unhappy.
This morning my son was informed he could only use his laptop downstairs. It could not be upstairs at all.
He accepted this without complaint. I understand how addictive those types of sites are-especially to a teen age boy. It is easier to not have the temptation.
Next I had to talk to my “adult” daughter about her need to sneak her own property. Honestly,she could have just taken it into her room and no one would have thought twice about it. She is eighteen and we are trying to give her some freedoms.Unfortunately,her pretending to be asleep and then waiting for her dad and I to be asleep before retrieving it puts up just a few red flags. It also causes confusion. Why sneak what is rightfully yours?
Her justification was telling.”I’ve been doing it ” That was supposed to make it all right? She did tell me that if she were me she would call it sneaking as well.
She was informed that had she simply walked normally up the stairs,turned on the light and retrieved her computer no one would have thought about it. But,because she chose to be sneaky I was now wondering what she was using her computer for. Since she has a history of being inappropriate, I was now assuming she was using her computer for inappropriate reasons again. The computer is hers. She is entitled to it. However, the Internet is ours. The legal responsibility of what is sent or received from the connections is ours. From this point forward,the router will go to bed with us. We have already disable Internet from the upstairs PC. Bringing the router to bed should solve any concerns we have over the laptops.
My daughter most unhappy about this development. I told her that if she doesn’t like the rules of our house she could finish highschool,learn to drive and save her money and start becoming truely independent.
She wants the perks. She has no desire for any real independence.It is beginning to get on my nerves.
Our family is simply does not work that way.
I will admit I told her that sneaking is what children do-young children. This did not sit well with her at all.
To show me just how adult she actually is,she has stopped speaking to me.
Sigh.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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