Today we had our first (for this facility) family therapy session with youngest. It went better than I was afraid it would. Joat (jerk of a therapist) was,for the most part,professional.He did make sure we all (including youngest) knew family therapy was supposed to start when youngest reached the third level. My husband and I also thought we were going to be hammering down the details to extend youngest son’s probation,but that part never happened.
Joat asked my son at one point how much his dad snuggled him on his lap.Snuggle was Joat’s word choice. Youngest looked at him in shock. My husband does not snuggle pre-adolescent boys on his lap; restraints do not count as snuggles. There is a lot of touch in our family,but nothing that could be misconstrued by a formerly sexually abused child. We have firm boundary’s in place as far as that kind of thing goes. I did remind youngest that he and I would sit next to each other and snuggle when I read to him at night. Youngest had forgotten that.
In many ways it was a good session. Youngest did not rage. Youngest not raging is always a good thing. He was only engaged when he felt it suited him. He did make it very clear he did not really want to come home. He also made it clear he likes his anger. Joat tried to talk about love,a child’s love for parents and a parent’s love for a child. Joat assumed as we initially did,that youngest loved his biological siblings. He did not. He had/ has a trauma bond with them,but he does not love them. Youngest has no use for love. He has his anger.He has his machinations. He doesn’t need anything else.
It is pretty depressing to think about.
Still, he didn’t rage and he only postured briefly. He told us his only emotion is anger. In a strange way it was a step forward. Not enough for us to feel particularity safe about him coming home,but it was enough to go on with.
One particularly funny comment by youngest was when he was told(by joat) to come up with five things that I could do would make his being home easier this time. . My son told me he wanted to be close to me and to spend more time just him and me. Considering he stayed at arm’s length supervision, I don’t know how much closer we could become. He also told joat that catching bugs and carving things would keep him from raging. He wants a praying mantis.
He will not be given a knife.