I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go through this again

Three years ago tomorrow my third grandson was born with HLHS (hypostatic left heart syndrome). He lived thirty-two days. My eldest daughter and his daddy only held him a few times before his first surgery. He never came off life support,although he was alert and smiled when he wasn’t in too much pain. He would grasp our fingers.
Today,the day of my second grandson’s third birthday party, my middle daughter told me her unborn baby may have something wrong. She has too much amniotic fluid. It could be nothing,or it could be chromosomal or a heart defect. She is at thirty two weeks. She sees the perinatologist next week. This is the second time this pregnancy her doctor has sent her. The first time was when I was out of state with my dad.
I have spent the last twenty plus years watching my children suffer. I have watched one daughter lose her son. I do not want to watch another daughter face that sort of pain.
I now this is nothing at all about me. I am not trying to make it about me. I am the strong one. I am the one who keeps calm in crisis. I keep my head when other’s lose their’s. I do my grieving where I won’t upset anyone.
I have had many times when I haven’t understood why God has allowed my children to suffer. I have yelled at Him more than once. I am begging Him now.
I’m just not strong enough this time. I do not want to watch another grandchild suffer. I do not want to watch my own child watch her child suffer.Not again.
Please Lord,not again.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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3 Responses to I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go through this again

  1. Bethany says:

    Praying for your unborn grandchild, your daughter, and you.

  2. hnracademy says:

    Praying here too!

  3. Lisa says:

    Lifting up your family right now. When I see Jesus…we are going to have a long talk! (-;

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