I’m sure this comes as a shock. I have met two in twenty plus years that I have respect for. Two. I’ll bet you can guess the current one isn’t on the list. My husband and I met with him alone today. I am so glad my husband was there. This particular one tends to confuse me. He will seem on the ball one minute and totally off base the next. He is the one telling me not to react. For someone who wanted to meet my husband and see us together, he seemed to want mostly to talk to me. Communication between the two of us is crosswise. When I would look to my husband to interpret what the therapist was saying-fearing I wasn’t hearing him correctly-the therapist told me (yes told me) to look at him and not my husband. He did this even when I explained why I was looking to my husband. I was also looking to my husband to keep control of my mouth. My hubby knew this. The therapist did not. I was told to get my own therapist because he didn’t have time to support me in that way. I told him I had never meant in any way to imply I wanted or needed that support from him. I was quite aware he was my son’s therapist. My husband told him that rarely do my own issues get wrapped up with youngest,but youngest does have a way of finding people’s weaknesses and honing in on them. It is difficult to never react to him.
My husband finally told him that he was the sixth therapist we had dealt with in regards to youngest. We didn’t know him and he didn’t know us. My husband repeatedly told him we do in fact parent youngest pretty much like he was suggesting.
Direct quote of my husband “This isn’t our fist rodeo; A… is our ninth child. ”
Here is some of the sage advice we received today:
I am not to bring up anything to do with my son’s hatred of me when I am with my son (even if the subject has been brought up by anyone else-I am not to react to it) I am never again to say we can handle the barking and peeing,but not the death threats. We should not allow the peeing and barking at all because it is deviant. If we allow it,we are sending the message it is OK. If we allow the barking he will end up hurting someone. (So…ignore homicidal ideation and violence,but jump all over the non violent aspects of my son’ issues????) We should play cards or some such game when visiting-even though we are not allowed to bring anything in with us.We should deflect any talk by our son on the sexual behavior of the other boys in this program back to the therapist so our son knows we are working together. The therapist wants to work alone with our son for a while so our son will not think he is in collusion with us,his parents.
The other boys are not predators,even though they have molested others.
Red flags? Paranoia on my part? Just plain confusion?
When we were in the car driving home my husband said to me, “Boy is that guy a jerk.”
That about sums it up.