marriage and adoption with special needs or what about us


This Christmas my husband,who is known for his practice gifts, purchased night at a bed and breakfast for just us. It was only one night(the kids wouldn’t handle two) and only one town over (so we could be home in fifteen minutes if an emergency actually occurred). I was looking forward to it.
On OUR DAY my dad entered the hospital with his bleed-so we postponed for a week. The next week I was across country and unavailable-so we postponed again. Then,of course,it was my husband’s turn to venture out of state. We then set today as OUR DAY.
Yesterday it became very apparent that my thirteen year old had regressed back, almost to square one. He even had the snot running into his mouth. If we are away overnight,we will see the fallout for months. He was already not handling life well before my emergency departure, followed by his dad’s planned one. The other two are not nearly as wrecked;but they aren’t exactly without their own reactions.
So our plans are on hold once more. We will spend out day out-just us;no kids. We will not be gone over night,however.
It isn’t worth the fallout.
I know this.
I am somewhat resenting it.
We will have a nice day. We will even enjoy or night. It just isn’t quite the same.
I don’t think it ever occurred to my either one of us that we would still be this tied to the house with children who are eighteen,seventeen and thirteen. My grown kids with preschoolers and younger get out more than we do.(mainly because we provide the babysitting).
I,every once in a while,Iwonder what it would be like to have “normal” kids,to just pick up and go somewhere without trying to judge the stability of the kids at home. We do (as we are about to do today) spend a few hours here and there out and about irregardless of the fallout. We just can’t do it often. I know we are lucky. If we do get new kids,or when and if youngest comes home,even these few hours away will be hard to come by for a while. I think that is why I wanted to have one night-just one- simply being a couple,being married;not parents of children with issues. We may not have the opportunity again for a long while.
My thirteen year old will not handle us out all night. He simply will not. He will have problems with our leaving for a few hours as well. We will risk that much. We need to have a day to ourselves. It just isn’t going to be OUR DAY.
Sometimes I would like to be selfish for a bit.
It is hard being the grownup.
It is a good thing we have a strong marriage.
We work hard to keep it that way.
Even if we do have to give up our night on the town.

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About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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