too much of this and that

My husband is out of state visiting his folks for a couple of days.My thirteen year old son (who just returned to even keel from my unexpected trip out of state) is completely sideways. He is so bad he is holding his mouth sideways (hence the term). I am trying to keep our schedule going and reassure him often. His dad will be back. His dad always comes home. Etc.Etc. I made him drink his hot tea (for the caffeine) and eat a good breakfast. I had to insist on lunch and will probably have to make him eat supper as well. The other two forget to eat from time to time. This son is mad and trying to refuse to eat. I’m just not going to let him do that. He still weighs less than seventy pounds and is almost five foot tall. He needs to eat.
The older teens are not having the issues they used to have when one of us is gone. They seem to be past the abandonment fears. This is good. They forget they used to(and still do from time to time)get out of sorts when one of us are gone more than usual. (in my case,more than a couple of hours)they are not helping their little brother at all. In fact,they seem oblivious to the fact he is listing sideways. Peer haps they aren’t doing quite as well as I thought…..
My daughter has done nothing to get herself a cell phone and we are not pushing it. She is so much more pleasant to be around when she isn’t doing the constant texting.
She is right were she should be emotionally-if she were thirteen or fourteen. I am thankful we have her trust (most of the time) and happy she isn’t hitting early adolescence and moving out with the local lowlife at the same time. She is much happier when she isn’t trying to keep up with her peers. I know it sounds as if we are holding her back. Honestly we are not. If anything, we are gently pushing her forward. It is a balancing act,a dance that we do;providing the structure and the helps she needs, while encouraging her to be as independent as possible. Her next younger brother has the same issues but without the angst.
My youngest son has been placed in the county program. He called last night. About five minutes or less into the conversation it became oblivious he was no longer participating,or listening. I began to tell him about purple frogs and green skinned brothers and various other bizarre inanities. After a minute or two of me spouting utter nonsense I ended the call. I told him I loved him and I would be more than happy to talk to him when he was willing to participate.
My dad seems to have given up. He is recovering from his surgery and his DVTs seem to have been dissolved. He is simply refusing to lift a finger to help himself. He is not confused. He was 100 percent independent before surgery. He wants my brother and I to make decisions he is still perfectly capable of making. He wants to be waited on hand and foot and will only do the bare minimum to get well. He has gone overnight from my dad and friend, to wanting to be parented himself.He is resenting that my brother and I still have families to care for. My poor brother is at the hospital daily,working,running his house and scrambling to make sure his eleven year old is picked up from school and cared for on the evenings he has to work. He is getting the brunt of my dad’s new personality and it is hard. We are doing our best to keep my dad moving and to encourage him to be independent and come home. He seems to be resenting us in the same way teens resent being held accountable.
I told my dad last night he was scaring me. I told him that he had to make the decision to come home or go into another rehab/nursing home.I am not comfortable making that decision for him. My brother wants him home. I want him home.We do not want him in a nursing home. I had to tell him he was not helping himself by playing helpless. He is physically capable of sitting up and rearranging his own covers. He has to do more than he is asked, not less.
I do not understand these changes in my dad. I am too far away to be much help to my brother. My dad lives with my brother,so he doesn’t live alone. He has family that loves him and needs him. He is acting like a spoiled child and I am scared he is talking himself into a nursing home for no other reason than it is hurts to move. He isn’t permanently infirm, just weak from lying in bed for the last month.
He has started antidepressants. I am hoping they will kick in and help him. He is cutting down on his pain meds,but is still taking quite a bit for being a month post-op on Thursday.
I am very worried.
There is also a situation with my stepsons that I do not feel I can write about. They are breaking their dad’s heart for no real reason other than drama. If they were teens,I would be more understanding. They are young men, however, and need to start acting that way again.
Too much stuff in to many directions.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to too much of this and that

  1. It is a good thing to let our loved ones decide whether they want to move in on a nursing home or not. Sometimes, our loved ones may opt to stay in a nursing home for support groups. That means they want to be with the same age group to live a fairly good life, and that is understandable.

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