It hasn’t been the best week. Monday was court and a sideways day for the kids at home. Tuesday the full weight of my youngest son’s emotional problems as well as his legal problems hit me square on. Yesterday I was hit full on with whatever virus is currently circulating and I found out that youngest has managed to get himself on lock-down, and my other thirteen year old was still sideways. Today I am feeling functionally better and was told that a close family member once again asked why we can’t just undo the adoption of youngest.
This isn’t the first time someone has suggested we just give our son back as if he were a defective piece of merchandise. I am a bit more forgiving when it is those who are acquainted with us superficially. It hurts deeply when it is family. It hurts very deeply. It also makes me angry.
I understand there are times when dissolving/disrupting an adoption is the only way to get a deeply disturbed child the help they need,or is the only way to keep other family member safe. It is a heart wrenching decision that has a multitude of ramifications and is rarely done lightly. I am not in any way,shape or form judging those who have had to make such a difficult decision.
To “give my son back” would mean abandoning him to the state with all of the legal ramification of abandoning a birth child.
My son is a child. He is not a puppy or a microwave oven. He is a human child who has been horribly abused and neglected. The fact that he is more disturbed than we were led to believe is moot at this point.
His father and I stood before the judge and swore to care for him just as if I had given birth to him. More to the point, we are responsible before God to this child. You don’t give a child born to you back because he is not what you intended when he was conceived.
God called us to love this son. God placed him in our home,under our care just as he did each of our other children. God is not a respecter of persons. He does not value our son’s soul less because he isn’t Caucasian. He does not judge our son because his birth parents did not care for him as the blessing he was meant to be.
God loves him no less than he loves the person who respects my son (and us) so little.
All of us who claim Christ as savior have been adopted. None of us (unless we have been born Jews) are God’s chosen people. It is through the miracle of Christ’s birth, death and resurrection that we have the honor (not based on works which we have done,our works are as nothing) to be called Sons and Daughters of God.
If we “give back” our youngest son,what are we teaching our children and grandchildren about love, family and commitment? How are we showing Christ to our children and grandchildren-especially youngest son? Is not his soul less precious to God because he is a product of adult’s abuse?
If we grieve because our son cannot acknowledge our love, freely given,how much more does his Father in Heaven grieve?
Each of us who truely follow Christ Jesus have been given a calling-a job if you will. Some are called to the deep,dark places of the world. Some teach. Some lead.
Some of us are called to love children. Some of us are called to simply give a child a home and do our best to help them heal from the evil inflicted upon them. Ours is a fallen,evil world. Not all of the children we love and sacrifice for will become instantly whole. My son may never be able to love. He may, in fact, continue the cycle of abuse he was born into. That doesn’t make us love him less. It doesn’t make him less worthy of our love. God did not call us to heal our children. He did not call us to make our children Christians. He called us to love them and to teach them about Him. He calls us to be obedient to Him. He does not say we will see success.
My youngest son is a child of God. He is loved by God. God has not rejected him. My son may reject God. He may also turn to Him tomorrow,or in twenty years or on his death bed.
Our son may continue to reject us. Of course that hurts. Our son’s rejection of our love,or his acceptance of
our love, isn’t the point. Whether or not he is a “financial liability” (and what child isn’t) is not the point.
Whether or not he is in our home is not the point.
The point is he is our responsibility.
The point is he is our son.
The point is we love him.
God has asked us to love this child. God has given us the ability to love this child. He did not tell us it would be easy. In fact,he told us the opposite.
Now do you understand?