why having an advanced degree doesn’t prevent you from being an idiot

If you are a professional in the mental health field and want me to trust you, I will give you a little hint.
Tell me you are in over your head. I understand that. Tell me you have never dealt with a child who has been as damaged as my child, but you are researching like crazy to find things that might help. You can even ask me what has worked-or not worked-in the past. I will respect you for your honesty. I will feel as if we are a team in the attempt to help my child. I will feel I can speak freely to you. I will trust you.
I will tell you what not to do as well.
Do not tell me my child would be well if only we (the ones who adopted him,not the ones who abused him) would parent him the way you tell us to. Do not tell me there is nothing wrong with my son having a first degree felonious assault charge.Do not say my son would not have really hurt me.The police over reacted. We over reacted. We can ignore all the little attempts to hurt me since then. Do not tell me his revenge list isn’t actually a list of people he wants to kill-even though my son freely admits that is what it is. Do not tell me that my fear of increasing institutionalizing of my son with RAD is not important. Do not tell me that facilities that have serious abuse charges against them are safe because someone in CPS said they are.
Do not talk to me in a condescending manner and tell me outright lies. If they are not lies, and you believe these to be facts, then you are even more incompetent than I was led to believe.
Do not,I repeat,do not tell my son that the juvenile correction facility in our state is a good place to go and some children even prefer it to their own family. Have you no sense whatsoever??????
I have this fantasy where I find a professional not only cares about my child, but is experienced as well.
In my fantasy this professional type person will have successfully helped hundreds,or even dozens or even one kid like mine. I will not have to watch them reinvent the wheel. I will not be more experienced than they. They will respect our entire family unit. They will understand that while we are upset over the behaviors of our child,we do in fact love him fiercely. They will understand that we are not the ones who hurt him;we are the ones trying to pick up the pieces of his life.They will see themselves in partnership with us; not in competition with us. They will want my child to succeed so he can have a productive life,not so they can write a best seller.
It is a nice fantasy.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to why having an advanced degree doesn’t prevent you from being an idiot

  1. Chelsea says:

    I really, really enjoy your blog. It is so frank and honest. We are just two years into our journey into the adopt/foster world and it has been an adventure so far. Reading blogs like this both encourages and educates me, and for that I would like to thank you.
    BC, Canada.

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