out of the frying pan or one heck of a dilemma

Yesterday was of course court with youngest.While waiting for his case to come up I found out there is one facility that will take him. He will be considered intensive and will have one on one staffing for the first month. It is in a city two hours from the house-not all that far if the traffic gods are kind. My son will remain in detention and will transfer to the residential care center as soon as a bed is available.A bed should open up in two to three weeks. He will have a hearing on the second of November if he is still detained. His case worker (with whom we are on a first name basis) will see if our Blue Cross is accepted. If so,he will be transfered ASAP. So far,so good. We are told the facility is extremely therapist and specializes in adolescents as disturbed as our son. This sounded like the answer to prayer.There was a little red flag when my son’s worker told me the facility needed to be re-certified as they had just changes their name. I asked if this was because of “incidents”. “No,” I was assured,”Change of ownership.”
My biggest concern last night was affordability. Most everyone who has had to try and pay for residential care knows how expensive $1000+30% can be.
The kids at home were reminded that Christmas will be scant in the gift department and money will be tight if we have to use our insurance. No one complained (at least out loud). The kids truely do want their brother well. We are not going to be destitute,just broke. It isn’t as if the kids need anything. They have a lot of “stuff” as it is. They aren’t even all that materialistic. It is more of a pride issue than anything else. As I said,that was my biggest concern. I felt relief we had a bed for youngest.
This morning I researched the facility.
What I found is not good. In fact,it is very,very bad. Frighteningly bad.
Almost hysterical, I called both my son’s worker and his therapist. As I waited for a return call, I researched the parent company (which has not changed hands). I was not reassured. Eventually,youngest’s worker returned my call. She too was appalled when she read what I had found,she said. I was not to worry,she assured me. The incidents took place in 2007,not 2009 as it appeared. That facility was transferring all of it’s residential clients to a different facility. They both had been cleared by the department of family services. All was good. No worries.
I researched the receiving facility. In 2007 and 2008 they had many horrible scandals as well. The resident population was not troubled youths,but troubled youths in this country illegally awaiting deportation. The parent company is the same. The abuse being reported is the same type of abuse my son was removed from his birth family for. There are pending lawsuits.
I am physically ill thinking about the ramifications of this.
We have so little control.
No other facility will accept my son.
His options are limited.
I would rather risk him home than risk him being abused.
I am not the one making these decisions.
The court is.
I have a call in to his lawyer (who I am not all that impressed with).
My son, of course, is his usual manipulative,oppositional self. He has no clue as to the ramifications of his behaviors. He does not understand how his propensity for violence is hindering us from protecting him.
I am not only out of my depth, I am in an alternative universe.
Advise is welcome.


About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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2 Responses to out of the frying pan or one heck of a dilemma

  1. hnracademy says:

    Oh Lindy,
    I don’t have any advice, but rest assured that we are praying for you and your youngest!
    (I wish that I could do more.)

  2. Andrea MNMz says:

    Is this facility west or east of you? Near me?

    Two hours from you sounds like it is closer to me. Please let me know if it is so I can help you out.

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