Youngest has court at nine tomorrow (Thursday) morning. I think this is just his detention hearing. I don’t think they will determine where he goes next. My husband will go and support him in court. I will stay home and supervise a grammar test for my high schoolers. (Who could not find their book until I told them it would be a shame for them to have to pay for a new copy. Funny how that works…)
I visited youngest in detention this evening. I had to wait for him to get out of the shower and three separate people gave me their condolences. One (the proccess server and child transporter guy) gave me some parenting advise. I smiled and nodded. He kept telling me my son would return to the way he was raised-and he knew I raised him well. He was trying to comfort me. He doesn’t know my son has only been my son for a year. He is doing what he was raised to do.
The guard bringing my son to me was talking about he couldn’t believe the incident reports he had read-my son was always so well behaved while in detention. I told the guard that my son can be very sweet;and then he isn’t anymore. It is his pattern.
Youngest started the visit with attitude. I told him he had made a pretty bad choice and asked him what his plans were. He told me he wanted to “Work his program and go home” I reminded him he couldn’t go back and “work his program”. He had blown it. He then told me “That’s messed up! It pisses me off they did this to me three weeks before I was supposed to be done” I told him “they” didn’t do anything. He had deliberately made the choice to attack the staff. He has known on Sunday he was close to being taken back and had chosen to attack the staff not once,but twice. I told him either his dad or I would be in court with him in the morning. He didn’t seem to know he was on the docket. He then went on saying nothing was his fault because he was “pissed off” and just did stuff. I reminded him he was in control of himself and he became angry and asked me “why are you doin’ this to us?”.
I asked him who us was. He looked half panicked and half confused. He finally brought up me getting on his brother over school work left undone.
We sat in silence for a while.
Then I told him I loved him. I told him he had some lies in his head that he needed to let go of. The lies said that he was evil and not worth saving. The lies said no one loved him. I told him the truth was he had good inside him and was worth saving He had many people who loved him -and listed them. I told him Jesus loved him. I told him he had a home. I told him we would stand beside him as he faced his consequences. I talked about giving his anger over to God. I talked. He sat facing away from me. I told him I knew he could hear me and I wanted him to remember that he was loved,and worthwhile. I told him that wherever he was sent, he would have time to think. I wanted these words in his head. Maybe someday he would believe them.
I asked him why he hated me. He didn’t know-he just did. I told him again that I loved him.
We sat in silence until it was time for me to go. I asked him to give me a hug. He did. He melted into my arms and cried. I asked for five more minutes and had him sit beside me. I held him to me and breathed with him until he was calm. I had him say after me:
D– and L—– love me
“D– and L—– love me?”
D– and L—– LOVE me
“D– and L—– love me.”
I am not alone.
“I am not alone”
I have a home
“I have a home”
I am worth loving
“I am worth loving?”
I AM worth loving
I am worth loving”
and so on and so forth.
When he called this evening he tried to have attitude but my husband gently reminded him it was his choices that had gotten him back in detention. We would stand beside him,but he was the one who had to change his ways.
He didn’t want to talk to me.