back in detention

Youngest was sent to detention this morning. He attacked the staff-twice in twenty four hours. I do not think he made bodily contact . I suppose we will know what the charges are on Thursday when he sees the judge. If the judge agrees,the plan will be to look for a RTC that will take him. We are praying he isn’t sent onward to juvenile prison. My son,on the other hand, wants to go. During my visit with him on Sunday, he told me with his eyes aglow,how he would be shackled if he went to the youth correctional facility. He also told me many other things that point to his determination to follow in his birth father’s footsteps. He understood he was, at that point, a hair’s breath from detention. He told me he thought he would be sent to Youth Corrections if he continued to behave the way he was. He volunteered the information. His excuse for his increasing belligerence and posturing with the staff (he hadn’t attacked anyone at that point) was because “They called me a porch monkey” “They” meaning some other kids. In reality another cadet had muttered those words under their breath at the staff and my son overheard. Truth is such a relative thing in his mind.
For a child who isn’t mentally ill,he has the most warped thinking proccess I have ever heard.
We were once asked a question during one of our home studies. We were asked how we would deal with a child who “didn’t turn out” or words to that effect. My response was I would be very sad ,but I wouldn’t carry the burden of guilt as I would have if I had raised a child from infancy. I would grieve for the child,not blame myself. After all, I wasn’t the one who had abused or neglected the child. I was just trying to help them pick up the pieces and move on.
I lied.
I am grieving for the child,yes.
I am also dissecting every single confrontation and just plain daily living to see what I could have done differently.
My head tells me I (and everyone in the family) have done the best I could by this boy.
My heart doesn’t agree.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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One Response to back in detention

  1. Magnolia says:

    I wish I could offer something worthwhile. But, I’m dealing with my own failures on this end and not feeling so great about myself either.

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