let the games begin

Youngest is still running low grade temps, but is feeling better overall. This means he is still too sick to return to the Academy.He is not however,sick enough to passively sleep on the sofa. I know he is bored. He generally is. I have a stack of books for him to read,a 3-d puzzle and paper and colored pencils to draw with. I realize this is not electronic. So does he.
We have had dramatic coughing. We have had dramatic blowing of the nose. We have had noises made just to disturb his siblings who are doing their school work. We have almost knocked over a pile of books with a big toe,but I helped make him more comfortable by moving the coffee table out of toe reach. We have also lost the ability to read without moving lips and are asking how to pronounce difficult words like “comfort”. He doesn’t handle quiet and calm well. He is feeling well enough for this to bother him. The thing is,he needs the quiet and calm.
Yesterday he spent some time actually playing with his virtual twin. He and my other thirteen year old played with each other. Then, right before supper, youngest caught himself having fun. I could see the shift in his expression and the return of his edge.He cannot let himself relax;even to build with Legos. At bedtime he took his dad off guard by throwing himself into his dad’s lap and “cuddling”. He also edged his brother away from his place perched at his dad’s side. we haven’t allowed that child to do the full body hugs for for over a year now. There was no spontaneous burst of affection towards his father for youngest child. It was an attempt to separate his brother from his dad and claim possession for himself -not to show or receive love,but to claim ownership.
Youngest will need to remain home until at least tomorrow. It has been good to have these few days with his here. It lets us see where we are at with youngest. It allows him to see us live life on a more “normal” basis than the Saturday visits provide. the other kids need to find their own balance with him. Every once in a while I have seen him watch his family around him with perplexity. Unfortunately,I have also watched him watching his siblings with his sly look. These few days have shown me where I am going to have to be careful keeping everyone cared for. I also know I am going to have to find some therapy for myself,if I am to be able to handle this. Even on his best behavior,my son drains the life out of me.
We have had a seven month respite. It has been nice to be able to shower when the kids were awake,instead of getting up early to be showered and dressed before youngest is up. It was nice to not have to worry about door alarms and knives in the kitchen. It was nice to be able to walk to the mailbox,or sit on the front porch. It was nice just to be “mom” and not “super mom”. It has been nice not having to always be “on” one hundred percent of the time,twenty four hours a day,seven days a week.
Last year we were in the pot of water that gradually got to the boiling point. (remember the frog analogy?) This year we know ahead of time just how hot that water is going to be.

About lenell

Wife to a very patient man and mom to 8 interesting kids via birth,marriage and adoption. Grandma to nearly 5,nearly perfect grandchildren.
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