Most women get this urge to deep clean their house a few weeks before the baby is born. They make sure there are groceries in the house and the laundry is caught up. They fix the nursery. They make sure the older children’s rooms are clean and everyone knows where everything goes. Nesting is what makes a woman in her ninth month scrub baseboards-or have her husband scrub them. At some point ,the house is clean and mom takes a deep breath and impatiently waits for the baby.
Adoption is no different. Last night I decided to paint the little front room. I started about nine, and because I was on a roll,I painted our bedroom as well. In the last two weeks I have painted the entire downstairs (with a little help from the kids and Don),rearranged all the furniture,cleaned the pantry,hired the boys to clean and organize the garage,cooked ahead for the freezer and tried to make sure the boys’ room is ready for another inhabitant. I have had all the grand kids over and have seen 2 sets of grown kids . It will be hard for me to do these things for a few weeks after our new son comes. I won’t be up with feedings, but I will have to be very vigilant about supervision for a while. I am hoping it will not have to be arms reach supervision. That burns me out in a hurry. I am hoping it will just have to be ear shot supervision;meaning I need to be where I can hear what is going on but do not have to always be in visual contact. I will not be meeting anyone for coffee. I will not be meeting anyone for lunch. Don and I will not have anymore date nights for a long while. I do have some back up if I need it. My back up is my grown kids. They are nearly and hour away and have babies of their own. Until I know for sure what behaviors we will be seeing ,I do not want to put them in a position that might hurt one of the babies. There is no way my 16 yr old can handle an acting out child. It has only been the last year that I leave her alone for more that a few minutes at a time.
My mind is anxious. There are so many unknowns when you adopt older kids. I know his birth mom did substances, but she was only 14 when she had him so maybe he isn’t too effected. By the way,never,never expect CPS to have accurate diagnosis on any child you adopt from their system. Never assume what you have read is true. It may not be a lie,but it is doubtful that it is the whole story. There are a lot of reasons for this. Not all of them are with bad intent. I am hoping he is not alcohol effected. I am not holding my breath though.The truth is that early neglect and trauma alters kid’s brains. It alters physiologically the structure of their brain. If your add the unseen brain damage due to alcohol consumption you have some significant cognitive,intellectual and emotional delays. If you are pregnant don’t ever drink in front of me. I will let you know in great detail the harm you are doing to your baby. It lasts forever. It does not get better. They never out grow it. But I digress.
Back to nesting…. I need to buy groceries. Oh and my closet is a mess. I should probably clean the ceiling fan blades. After that, my house is ready. I hope I am.