Then:
A few years ago (three to be specific) we had three of our children evaluated by a neuro-psychologist. The answers were not too surprising. Some of the news was actually good. All three had significant gains in IQ scores. All three were cooperative and cheerful;”a joy to work with”. All three did have some major areas of concern.
My oldest son in that group was diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder.
This is the same son who had the cognitive decline at the onset of puberty.
Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, and emotional coldness.[1] SPD is rare compared with other personality disorders. Its prevalence is estimated at less than 1% of the general population.[2] It is not related to and should not be confused with schizophrenia.
What we were seeing at home was a nearly complete withdrawal from people. He lived in his fantasy books. It was the birthday he had to be brought out of his room and nearly forced to eat cake and open presents that made our concerns for him apparent to others. He would respond when talked to. He was always compliant with requests. He lied often and poorly,but that was the least of our concerns at that time. My son was content the way he was. He didn’t feel lonely. He felt annoyed if we intruded on his reading-even if it meant cake and gifts.
Once we had a diagnosis, we had to make decisions as parents. It did not seem to us something to just accept. We had (and have) no money for expensive treatments that offer little gain. We did have a good knowledge of our son and also the success of raising his IQ from the mid 80’s to the 100-110 range.
I am the teaching parent in our home. I am the one who pours over all the neuropsych,behavioral and FAS research.
My husband is my sounding board and the voice of reality. He lets me know if I need to back off. He lets me know when he sees progress I miss. He helps me understand how boys think.
Over the course of a few months we made changes. We instituted mandatory game participation. I found out about Civil Air Patrol and asked if anyone was interested. To my surprise,both the older two were. After the younger boy was in karate for a bit, my husband and I “encouraged” the older two to join as well. The grown kids began seeking their brother out when they were over. No on allowed him to escape to his room. We went back to both boys sharing a bedroom. The older boy did much better when he wasn’t alone. We insisted that all reading until bedtime be done in the main part of the house.
We made sure to do more family related outings. We had this son begin ordering his own food at restaurants. Just this year I began insisting he make his own phone calls.
Slowly,steadily,he has made progress. My son is still very shy and hates large groups of people. (That’s OK,so do I) He is still in karate and is very good at it. He has to spend some of his time assisting with the younger children. That forces him to inter-react. He is not allowed to isolate at CAP. He is making friends now.They aren’t close friends,but they like my son and he jokes and cuts up with them. He has even been to a couple of parties.
Yesterday, my son began his first real job. He is a host in a restaurant. His entire job description is dealing with customers. He has to deal with every sort of person,some of them quite difficult.He is still a little shy,but he is doing it.
He is empathetic He wasn’t two years ago. He is now. He can feel another’s pain. He notices if a family member is uncomfortable.
He sees value in others.
Just because a child has a diagnosis, does not mean they are damned to carry it through out their life. It took both my son and my husband and myself a lot of work to get to this point. If we would have just accepted the diagnosis my son would still be living in his books and not in the world. His life would have been emptier.
He wasn’t a lot of trouble when he was withdrawn. It was a lot of trouble drawing him out.
Now
